You can’t go wrong when it comes to Sadie Smythe, author and blogger at Sadie’s Open Marriage. So, this recent interview with her is definitely worth reading. Her response to the inevitable question about jealousy is especially great. Smythe says:
. . . I’ve been called a proponent for open relationships, but I’m really a proponent of designing the relationship of your choice — making the relationship look the way you want it to look, not the way others expect it to.
What about jealousy? In terms of being confronted with who you are, one of the biggest components you have to deal with is the jealously factor. In the traditional monogamous marriage jealousy occurs — he’s looking at the waitress, flirting with a friend — and you feel these feelings, and it’s almost expected. But when you are in an open relationship, and there’s actually a person to be jealous of, it forces you to go inward in a way you wouldn’t otherwise. What is jealousy? It is fear turned in on itself. What do I fear? I fear losing him? But the reality is that I could lose him anyway.
. . . What have you learned? When you start talking to your husband or wife about sex and about what you really want — providing both you are being accepting of that information and not judging it — it can be really powerful . . . I think everyone should make their relationship what they want it to be. Design it to their own specifications.