The poly community has been anxiously following the reality show Polyamory: Married and Dating since it premiered on July 12th on Showtime. Many folks have written posts and reviews of the show. Now, the seven-episode-long season has concluded, the last of the recaps are being written, and the stars of the show are hitting the media circuit.
Polyamory has been the topic of choice in a couple recent articles in Irish newspapers and magazines. The first piece, published in the Herald of Dublin, asks, "Is this the end of fidelity?" The article ponders whether the Irish can accept a concept as progressive as polyamory, and interviews a young poly woman named Alison who does a great job of debunking myths and clarifying confusions.
Hat tip to Randy, organizer of a Dublin poly group, for alerting Alan at Poly in the Media to the second story about three poly folks in the Irish music-focused magazine Hot Press. The article is not available online, but Alan published scans that are available below.
The three subjects -- Ariel, Maki, and Aoife -- talk in depth about communication, crafting the relationship they want, trans and queer identities, jealousy, safe sex, and discrimination in Ireland.
"In polyamory there is no real standard model of relationship," says Maki, "so rather than have any kind of unspoken ideas of what the relationship should be, you really have to communicate — to work out what the relationship is going to be."
. . . Aoife agrees. "Obviously it's nice to have the option to have lots of lovely relationships with more than one person and that's great! But for me, as somebody who has been in poly and mono relationships, one thing that comes through is that we're making it up as we go along. We create the relationship to suit ourselves. Not in a selfish way, but we build a relationship together."
The arrangement began after Jason and Adrian had been together for nine years, when Jason had a fling with a guy he met named Benny. A threesome came next, then a sexual relationship, and finally shared love between the three. Now, they live together and enjoy a domestic home life that most would not expect from the owners of a gay porn studio.
Author Molly Young, whose portrait of the men is quite thoughtful, spent enough time with them to observe just how successful their relationship is.
Still, the impression I have from spending time with Benny, Jason, and Adrian over the past months is that the men are glisteningly, boringly happy. This seems to be the consensus. "No matter how hard I try, I can't wrap my head around it," says Paper’s Elliott. "It's amazing. It's modern. There's nothing sensational about them -- the relationship isn't theater. It just works." Maybe the best way to understand how a throuple functions -- or at least how this throuple functions -- is to imagine a healthy couple, then factor in the sexual variety of a third partner, and then factor in the stability of a third partner. It's strange but true: In tripod manner, a third leg appears to be a good method of favorably distributing tension.
An Indiegogo campaign for the book is in full swing, and ends in just one week. Funds raised will go toward printing the book, paying editors and designers, shipping, and a launch party.
Having been in a successful open marriage since 2006, Fraser hopes to bring her unique experience to the table to publish a book that is relatable, honest, and useful.
Not Your Mother’s Playground: A realistic guide to honest, happy and healthy open relationships (NYMP) is a book on modern open relationships aimed at a new generation, discussing everything from swinging to polyamory (multiple loves). It includes personal triumphs and challenges mixed in to give it a relatable, intimate feel.
. . . The idea behind Not Your Mother’s Playground is to walk the reader through everything they will encounter should they choose to open up their relationship. It will show all sides from the good to the bad, not ignoring the reality that these relationships come with complications that can put even the strongest couples to the test.
Here's the video from the Indiegogo page:
Depending on the dollar amount of contribution, those who donate can be rewarded with tweets, ebooks, printed copies of the book, thank you cards, and even coaching sessions.