Poly reality show wraps; stars grace Dr. Drew and radio

Aug 302012
 

The poly community has been anxiously following the reality show Polyamory: Married and Dating since it premiered on July 12th on Showtime. Many folks have written posts and reviews of the show. Now, the seven-episode-long season has concluded, the last of the recaps are being written, and the stars of the show are hitting the media circuit.

Alan M. wrote about episodes 4 and 5, episode 6 (which he called “the best, most serious, most moving episode yet”), and the final episode. Modern Poly has continued publishing recaps as well. Alan sums up his feelings about the show succinctly:

My own view remains that for all the imperfections and humanity of the cast, the show is the best thing that has happened for public understanding of polyamory in ages.

The San Diego quad (Kamala, Michael, Jen, and Tahl) even made an appearance on the Dr. Drew Show, which thankfully didn’t go as badly as expected, while two members of the triad, Anthony and Vanessa, were interviewed for the Polyamory Weekly podcast as well as on KPFA public radio.

You can follow the show on Facebook and follow the quad on Facebook to keep track of upcoming appearances. It is unknown whether the show will be renewed for a second season.

Poly makes the rounds in Irish press

Aug 272012
 

Polyamory has been the topic of choice in a couple recent articles in Irish newspapers and magazines. The first piece, published in the Herald of Dublin, asks, “Is this the end of fidelity?” The article ponders whether the Irish can accept a concept as progressive as polyamory, and interviews a young poly woman named Alison who does a great job of debunking myths and clarifying confusions.

Hat tip to Randy, organizer of a Dublin poly group, for alerting Alan at Poly in the Media to the second story about three poly folks in the Irish music-focused magazine Hot Press. The article is not available online, but Alan published scans that are available below.

The three subjects — Ariel, Maki, and Aoife — talk in depth about communication, crafting the relationship they want, trans and queer identities, jealousy, safe sex, and discrimination in Ireland.

“In polyamory there is no real standard model of relationship,” says Maki, “so rather than have any kind of unspoken ideas of what the relationship should be, you really have to communicate — to work out what the relationship is going to be.”

. . . Aoife agrees. “Obviously it’s nice to have the option to have lots of lovely relationships with more than one person and that’s great! But for me, as somebody who has been in poly and mono relationships, one thing that comes through is that we’re making it up as we go along. We create the relationship to suit ourselves. Not in a selfish way, but we build a relationship together.”

       

Gay porn studio owners enjoy domestic bliss

Aug 232012
 

New York Magazine recently published their Sex Issue, which contained an article about three men in a relationship together. Calling themselves a “throuple,” Benny, Jason, and Adrian have been together for four years and run the gay porn studio CockyBoys.

The arrangement began after Jason and Adrian had been together for nine years, when Jason had a fling with a guy he met named Benny. A threesome came next, then a sexual relationship, and finally shared love between the three. Now, they live together and enjoy a domestic home life that most would not expect from the owners of a gay porn studio.

Author Molly Young, whose portrait of the men is quite thoughtful, spent enough time with them to observe just how successful their relationship is.

Still, the impression I have from spending time with Benny, Jason, and Adrian over the past months is that the men are glisteningly, boringly happy. This seems to be the consensus. “No matter how hard I try, I can’t wrap my head around it,” says Paper’s Elliott. “It’s amazing. It’s modern. There’s nothing sensational about them — the relationship isn’t theater. It just works.” Maybe the best way to understand how a throuple functions — or at least how this throuple functions — is to imagine a healthy couple, then factor in the sexual variety of a third partner, and then factor in the stability of a third partner. It’s strange but true: In tripod manner, a third leg appears to be a good method of favorably distributing tension.

Read the rest at New York Magazine.

Help fund a new book on open relationships

Aug 202012
 

Samantha Fraser, educator and blogger at Not Your Mother’s Playground who I’ve written about before, is in the process of writing a new guide to open relationships — and she needs your help to make it a reality.

An Indiegogo campaign for the book is in full swing, and ends in just one week. Funds raised will go toward printing the book, paying editors and designers, shipping, and a launch party.

Having been in a successful open marriage since 2006, Fraser hopes to bring her unique experience to the table to publish a book that is relatable, honest, and useful.

Not Your Mother’s Playground: A realistic guide to honest, happy and healthy open relationships (NYMP) is a book on modern open relationships aimed at a new generation, discussing everything from swinging to polyamory (multiple loves). It includes personal triumphs and challenges mixed in to give it a relatable, intimate feel.

. . . The idea behind Not Your Mother’s Playground is to walk the reader through everything they will encounter should they choose to open up their relationship. It will show all sides from the good to the bad, not ignoring the reality that these relationships come with complications that can put even the strongest couples to the test.

Here’s the video from the Indiegogo page:

Depending on the dollar amount of contribution, those who donate can be rewarded with tweets, ebooks, printed copies of the book, thank you cards, and even coaching sessions.

Donate today and spread the word!

Poly community emerging in South Africa

Aug 162012
 

In South Africa, a country of 49 million, the poly community is growing. There is a comprehensive website for South Africans, and the community recently received some attention in the form of an article in City Press, a South African newspaper.

The article snags a few quotes from Capetonian polyamorists Arno and Christel Breedt, as well as Raam Naicker, moderator of South African online polyamory group Zapoly.

Naicker and Christel explain that there are no statistics on the poly community in South Africa, which is still somewhat hidden — but the numbers are definitely on the rise.

Stories like this are important because, as Alan at Poly in the Media explains,

Modern, egalitarian, gender-neutral polyamory is a noteworthy introduction to Africa for its contrasts to traditional patriarchal polygamy, an ancient fact of life in many regions. South African President Jacob Zuma, for instance, has four wives. This is legal and is generally considered acceptable or only mildly embarrassing . . . South Africa is the only country on the continent with a visible polyamory movement as far as I can tell.

Read the whole thing at City Press.

Advice columnist supports and commends polyamory

Aug 132012
 

It’s clear the tides are turning when an advice columnist openly discusses the concept of polyamory in response to a reader’s question. In her column for the Canadian Huffington Post, columnist Colette Kenney fields a question from a woman who has been married for 22 years but has become interested in exploring non-monogamy. Kenney first responds:

Thanks for your question. I will admit that because my readership is not necessarily the polyamorous type I was torn about whether or not I should answer your question. But when I reflected on how I would answer it, I realized there are actually some really great points that are good for all kinds of relationships — poly or otherwise.

She goes on to explain how vital communication, honesty, and forgiveness are — in both poly and monogamous relationships. In equating the two, she is effectively normalizing polyamory, which is very refreshing. Plus, she finishes her column with some very kind words.

I will openly and happily admit that I am not polyamorous myself, nor do I ever think I could handle the head-and-heart ache of entering into such a relationship. But I will say this: I commend anyone who successfully navigates these kinds of relationships. For to do so, I believe, requires saint-like patience, forgiveness, acceptance, trust, and non-attachment.

Read the whole column at the Huffington Post.

Loving More’s polyamory retreat one month away

Aug 092012
 

Just a reminder that Loving More’s 26th annual polyamory retreat is taking place September 7-9!

The three day, two night retreat will be held at the Easton Mountain Retreat Center in Greenwich, New York, which is located on 175 acres and provides a calming atmosphere in which to unwind, explore, disconnect from technology, and engage with and learn from other polyamorous folks. Feel free to swim, hike, hot tub, and more —  past retreats have included live music, dance parties, snuggling parties, drum circles, and movie nights.

Additionally, there will be over a dozen workshops and playshops from experienced presenters from all around the country. The entire schedule is now available for you to peruse online!

The basic retreat fee includes all meals, use of Easton Mountain facilities, camping, and workshops. A limited number of bunkhouse rooms/beds are available at an extra cost.

Registration is currently $330 for Loving More members. Register online today!

Bloggers weigh in on poly reality show

Aug 062012
 

Ever since Showtime’s Polyamory: Married & Dating premiered three weeks ago, the internet has been abuzz with opinions about it.

The blog Modern Poly has reviewed episodes one and two, and has documented the positive and negative reactions to the show on Twitter and beyond. Blogger Kiki lamented the lack of diversity on the show, while Brian Ballard discussed the editing style and Jane Doe asked whether the show plays on stereotypes of poly folks as sex-obsessed and drama-mongering.

Psychologist Deborah Anapol, who has written several books on polyamory and was instrumental in the formulation of the modern poly movement, wrote about the show on Psychology Today, calling the reality format “certainly more enjoyable than parading a poly family or two out to be interviewed by a talk show host and then letting a hostile audience have at them as was the style back in the day.”

Polyamory: Married & Dating is also the subject of Polyamory Weekly’s latest podcast, in which Minx and LustyGuy discuss the accessibility of the characters and their communication skills.

Also notable are the responses from mainstream, non-poly sources, like this review at A.V. Club, and this article on Gawker, calling the show “the best reality show on TV.” The writer asserts that the communication-heavy poly lifestyle is perfect for the interview-based, reality show format. Although some of his attraction to the show is based on its “trashiness,” he acknowledges that his fascination has depth:

The emotional articulation of the four described people makes for riveting viewing — not since the early days of The Real World have I been so obsessed with watching people sit around and babble about themselves and their lives, nor have I so deeply lamented that they only do it for 30 minutes once a week . . . While the show illustrates the emotional complications and possible turmoil that result from loving more than one person, it humanizes those involved to a degree that we’ve never seen. It is at once a cautionary tale and an argument for the freedom to participate in these kinds of living/loving situations. As such, it is as complicated, strange, hilarious and involving as these situations clearly are themselves.

Polyamory: Married & Dating can be found on Showtime on Thursday nights at 11 p.m.

How to support your partner when they have a baby

Aug 032012
 

More than Nuclear is a blog about polyamory and parenting, written by a poly woman named Freja who gave birth to a daughter about a year ago. The entire blog is fantastic, but the recent post “5 tips for supporting your partner when they have a baby (and it isn’t yours)” is especially awesome.

The tips are pretty straightforward — like offering to change diapers, cook food, and help with household chores — but all of it comes together to ensure that everyone contributes and bonds as a family. Freja writes,

It’s not easy to predict how the recovery will affect the intimacy between you and your partner, even if your partner isn’t the one recovering from the birth. The first few weeks are overwhelming, but it will get easier. There is a reason everyone tells you that they grow up so fast. It’s a cliché, but they really do. It may seem almost impossible for you to find space to be with your partner now, but things will change incredibly quickly. The two of you can find a way to reconnect, but you’ll need to be patient and gentle with the parents, and don’t push it.

Read the rest on More than Nuclear.