I was recently a guest on two parts of the Polyamory Weekly podcast!
In the first part, episode #334, I chat with podcast host Cunning Minx about my book, The Ultimate Guide to Kink. I talk about why I decided to write it, why I chose an anthology format, who should read the book, and what I'm hoping they'll get out of it. We also talk about the different sections of the book -- skills/techniques and fantasies/fetishes -- and what each one offers to the reader.
The second part, episode #335, is an advice segment in which I answer listener questions about poly and kink. Here's what was asked:
- Ian asks: please explain the multi-partner dynamic as it exists in the kink world, and how it is different (or similar) to the poly. (There are many polys who are not kinky, many kinky who are not poly, and many many monogamous people who are kinky and have issues participating in the kink community.)
- Emma asks: I’ve been asked to do scenes with people who are "sexually monogamous" with their partners. Lots of conversation about what activities count as sex ensues, but I'm still nervous to play with monogamous people. What if something is improvised in the moment and crosses that line? What if something feels sexual to me but not to them?
- Herb asks: Have you actually seen or heard of a fetish that surprised you?
- James asks: What if someone wants to try something scary (breath play) but is worried about past sexual abuse issues it could bring up?
Listen to both episodes here and here, browse the past archives here, and follow Polyamory Weekly on their site and Facebook!
If you're non-monogamous and want to meet people on dating sites, you can face some unique challenges. Luckily, blogger Kit O'Connell (along with co-blogger Molly Rene) has written a very comprehensive guide on how to utilize OKCupid for poly dating. The guide is broken down into seven sections:
- Introduction / What Is OKCupid?
- Writing a Dating Profile
- Answering Match Questions
- Finding People on OKCupid
- Meeting People on OKCupid
- Extra Features of OKCupid
- Conclusion: Finding Polyamorous Love
OKCupid's match questions are particularly useful for finding poly folks, as O'Connell explains:
Though I am a skeptic about personality tests in general, the breadth of the question database means that the site really can make a lot of educated guesses about you. Now that I've answered many questions, polyamorous and kinky people show up by the dozens in my top matches, usually ranking 90% or higher in match compatibility.
Polyana at Polytical has also written a post about her experience with OKCupid. She has found it to be a great resource.
I joined OKCupid to build my own poly-friendly community, and I have not been disappointed. It was where I first became sure that, yes, polyamorous people do exist, and they are perfectly normal. I found plenty of nice and friendly people, happy to connect and generous to share ideas and experiences. I got advice on relationship issues, information about meetings and events, new contacts, book and film recommendations, I have even got some guidance on DIY work. In the meantime, I have been building some nice friendships with people all over the world.
Although OKCupid is not a poly-focused site, the consensus seems to be that its intuitive personality matching system and its large pool of open-minded users make it one of the best dating sites out there.