How jealousy affects poly teens

Sam Fuller, an Oakland high school student writing for Youth Radio, has penned a quite insightful piece on polyamory, jealousy, and evolution. Fuller's interested in the subject stems from a female friend of his who, at one point, was in a polyamorous relationship. Wanting to know more about the role of jealousy, he interviews Dossie Easton (author of The Ethical Slut) and evolutionary psychologist David Buss. Both have different views of jealousy and its role: Easton wonders why jealousy is the sole deal-breaking emotion in relationships, while Buss sees jealousy as a biological defense mechanism that protects relationships.

Deciding to do his own bout of research, Fuller distributes a questionnaire to 21 peers, measuring their jealousy scores. While the average score is a 56, his friend Kina's score is 23 -- making her much less jealous than the others.

Kina's survey results made me wonder: had being poly and working on her insecure feelings actually made her a less jealous person? When I asked her about it, Kina said she thought it had, and she was glad for it. "Jealousy is just a counterproductive emotion," she said. "It doesn't make me happy."

Of course, evolutionarily speaking, jealousy doesn't work by making you happy. It works instead by creating an unhappy feeling, a feeling that your partner is threatening to reproduce and raise offspring with someone else. And once you have that feeling, you need to do something about it, whether it's something immature, like attacking the person flirting with your partner, or mature, like talking to your partner about it.

In Kina's case, she found ways to get rid of her jealous feelings, and that's made her feel happy. In the end, evolution aside, that's the question that mattered most to me.

Read the rest at Youth Radio.

Study finds poly people less jealous, just as satisfied as monogamous people

A recent study by relationship researcher Terri D. Conley and four colleagues at the University of Michigan concludes that there is no evidence to suggest that monogamous folks are any more satisfied than non-monogamous ones.

The study is a review of other research on consensual non-monogamy, and appeared in Personality and Social Psychology Review with the title A Critical Examination of Popular Assumptions About the Benefits and Outcomes of Monogamous Relationships.

After reviewing the research, the study concluded a few things: that "sexually unfaithful" individuals were less likely to use barrier methods than consensually non-monogamous (CNM) individuals; that gay men in CNM relationships felt a comparable level of satisfaction to gay men in monogamous relationships; and that jealousy was lower, more manageable, and less problematic for people in CNM relationships. The study elaborates:

Men reported that their open relationships accommodated their intimacy needs as well as their desires for sexual diversity. Moreover, the men in these partnerships often felt more intimate with their partner when they agreed to be non-monogamous. Just as monogamy can provide a sense of support and protection, consensual non-monogamy can provide the emotional support of a primary partnership while also allowing exploration of other sexual relationships.

Over at Psychology Today, Bella DePaulo summarizes the study's findings in a series of three posts: Are Monogamous Relationships Really Better?Satisfied? Jealous? On Deciding Not to Be Monogamous, and Is Polyamory Bad For Children?.

Showtime poly reality show renewed

It's official: Polyamory: Married & Dating has been renewed for a second season!

The popular Showtime reality docu-series, which followed one triad and one quad, concluded its first season last August. After that, the stars of the show made the media rounds, appearing on Dr. Drew, The Ricki Lake Show, and as experts in various online articles.

In October, show producer and director Natalia Garcia put out a call for new applications, although the second season was yet to be confirmed. Now it has been!

It's still unknown whether the new season will include any of the previous participants. It should be interesting to see how it goes.

Poly folks grace pages of PQ Monthly

PQ MonthlyThe December/January issue of PQ Monthly, a print and online publication for the LGBTQ communities of Oregon and SW Washington, featured an article called "Ethical sluttery: Poly relationships expand the reach of love and sex."

The writer interviews two couples: Kyra Fey, a dominant-leaning switch, and her partner Earthquake; and Rachael Palmer and Devon Chase; plus a single guy named Jake who is dating around.

While Jake doesn't think his parents could wrap their minds around polyamory, Rachael decided it was important to share that part of her life with her family, for the sake of her partners and simply to clear the air.

"I think for people who don't know much about polyamory it is easy to assume that my primary and I are having problems and that’s why we are sleeping with other people, when in actuality it's the opposite,” Rachael says. "We fuck other people because we want to be together for a long time and indulging our fantasies and desires keeps us happy and healthy."

Read the rest of the article at PQ Monthly. The full interview with Rachael and Devon can be found here.