Category: Non-monogamy

When speaking up is worth it

Have you ever listened to others discuss polyamory disparagingly and wanted to speak up? On Good Vibrations Magazine, Jezebelle Jay has written a personal account of what she did when this happened to her. At a potluck with some coworkers, she hears her boss and one of her coworkers talking about one of their clients, who is polyamorous.

My coworker stated, "My understanding is that it's much more prevalent in the Bay Area than ever before." My boss chuckled and stated, “I just don’t get why a person who cannot handle one relationship well thinks they can handle more than one relationship at all!” She went on to name fear of commitment and lack of communication skills as this client's issues . . .

I was so torn. Because it was MY lifestyle they were talking about, I felt constrained, the tension building, I wanted to give them the input from a direct source that might help them understand me and others better. I wanted to share the abundance of the life I have chosen and how these choices could actually be healthier than relationships that end up in divorce or affairs. However, I was not ready to out my personal life to my boss. I was just too worried that she would judge me.

So I kept my mouth shut. Until my boss stated, "I just don’t understand what their children must think." Oh my goodness. I could not restrain myself any longer.

By calmly explaining her opinion, Jay is able to articulate to her boss why children in polyamorous homes do just fine. Thankfully, her boss begins to understand.

Jay's experience is a reminder of how powerful it can be to voice your opinion. Read the rest on Good Vibrations Magazine.

Non-monogamous leanings in Kanye West lyrics

As polyamory becomes an increasingly more mainstream topic, I thought this article in The Atlantic was interesting: Two Views of Monogamy From Kanye West and Jay-Z on 'Watch the Throne'. The article is mostly a close examination of lyrical content; the writer eventually concludes that Jay-Z is more concerned with monogamy, while Kanye West is in favor of non-monogamy.

Some of the most interesting tidbits about Kanye West are excerpted below.

The only vision of domestic bliss we get is decidedly non-traditional: "I'm a freak, huh, rock star life / The second girl with us, that's our wife."

. . . To an ever-increasing extent, [Kanye West’s] rap fixates on the idea of sanctioned polyamory, in which sleeping around jibes with having a committed relationship . . . He's trying to establish a new order, to evangelize for Dan Savage-ordained good-giving-gameness between lovers -- an acceptance of kink that the outside world condemns. For Kanye, as for a lot of guys, that kink is having multiple partners. "Hell of a Life," off 2010's My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, was about this; on it, he fantasized about being married to a permissive porn star who'd let him get with whomever he'd like.

. . . In Watch the Throne’s opening number "No Church in the Wild" -- a song about having the ability to write one's own rules -- he rhapsodizes about a new religion: "No sins as long as there's permission' / And deception is the only felony / So never fuck nobody without tellin' me." A few lines later, his mind drifts to a dream girl marked by two tattoos: "One read 'No Apologies' / The other said 'Love is Cursed by Monogamy.'"

Read the rest on The Atlantic.

Alan launches listing of polyamory events

Alan, the writer behind the awesome blog Polyamory in the News, has launched a new website which rounds up poly events. The site, Alan's List of Polyamory Events, lists all major poly events (gatherings, festivals, cons, and more) coming up within the next 12 months. The site will be continually updated.

Additionally, at the bottom of the page, one can find resource lists for finding local poly groups and get-togethers.

If you have an event (of wide geographic interest only) you'd like Alan to add to the listing, post about it in the comments section of the site, or email it to alan7388 [at] gmail [dot] com.

What queer couples can teach others about non-monogamy

There have been a few articles recently about same-sex couples and how they express non-monogamy. The first, entitled Domestic Bliss?, was published in the New York Press. It focuses on the bucking of gender roles, but also on the ways that same-sex couples negotiate non-monogamy.

. . . the ways in which young, opposite-sex couples view marriage have changed substantially over the past several decades. And if the experts are right, then, as ironic as it may seem, it could turn out that these "conventional" couples may just happen to find their best role models for the sorts of marriages they want to construct for themselves by looking at those of pioneering same-sex marriages.

. . . negotiating outside of society's dictates and standards, something same-sex couples have been forced to do, allows each person to more clearly express and receive what they want and need in a relationship -- so the resulting relationship allows each person to be more truly themselves and satisfied about the things that matter most.

This piece includes a magnificent quote from Barbara Carrellas.

An open marriage might not be for you, but perhaps there is some other area in your marriage where you could use, to your benefit, the same tools that some other couple is using to negotiate their sexuality.

Another article published in The Advocate focuses on Dan Savage's term "monogamish," and how couples today are utilizing it. This piece asks, "Could the gay male tradition of open relationships actually alter marriage as we know it? And would that be such a bad thing?" and highlights several different relationships that have prospered under non-monogamy.