Mar 042013
 

Our America with Lisa LingTomorrow, March 5th, on Oprah’s OWN network, a new episode of “Our America with Lisa Ling” will center on polyamory and various poly families. The one-hour show is called “I Love You & You… & You.”

The show has been in the works since last August, when Robyn Trask, director of Loving More, was contacted by producers of the show. After some sniffing around to make sure the show would be respectful, Trask put the producers in contact with several poly families.

Ultimately, the show will feature Trask and her long-term partner Jesus V. Garcia and their partners, plus a triad from Vancouver and a quint from the Philadelphia area. The Philadelphia quint run the blog Polyskeptic. Shaun wrote a short post about the upcoming show, and Gina wrote about the process of coming out at work in preparation for its airing. Trask found the filming process to be pleasant:

Working with the producers, crew and Lisa Ling, who is an award winning journalist, was a delight. We spent three full days filming at our home in Loveland, CO. Overall it was a fun experience and very different from other TV crews I have worked with.

Two teaser videos have been released, entitled “Plenty of Love to Go Around” and “Monogamy’s Not For Everyone.”

“I Love You & You… & You” will air Tuesday, March 5th at 10 p.m. Eastern on OWN (use the channel finder to determine the channel number). It will re-air three hours later, and again on subsequent dates. The schedule can be found here.

Mar 022013
 

Atlanta Poly WeekendIt’s the third year for Atlanta Poly Weekend! Taking place March 15 through 17th at the Holiday Inn Perimeter in Atlanta, this conference brings in the foremost speakers to educate the poly-friendly community on matters regarding the family, the law, and social interactions and justice for those in the poly community.

The schedule is jam-packed with exciting sessions, plus other fun events such as trivia, poly family feud, an auction, and a St. Patrick’s Day themed dance. The closing keynote will be led by Alan M. of Poly in the Media.

Register for Atlanta Poly Weekend here, and follow the conference on Twitter.

Mar 012013
 

To The Best of Our Knowledge

I will be on “To The Best of Our Knowledge” as part of a show called ‘After the Romance,’ which airs this weekend on NPR stations. I’ll talk with host Steve Paulson about my book Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, open relationships, swinging, polyamory, and more.

You can hear it during the following times on local NPR stations:

Atlanta, GA: Monday and Tuesday 11:00 am on 91.7 WUGA-FM
Columbus, OH: Sunday 3:00 pm on 89.7 WOSU-FM
Eugene, OR: Sunday 8:00 am on 1280 KRVM-AM
Los Angeles, CA: Sunday 9:00 pm on 88.3 KCLU-FM
Milwaukee, WI: Sunday 12:00 pm on 90.7 WHAD-FM
San Francisco, CA: Sunday, 8:00 am on 91.7 KALW-FM and Sunday, 7:00 pm on 88.5 KQED-FM
Seattle, WA: Friday (3/8) 8:00 pm on 94.9 KUOW-FM
Springfield, MA: Sunday, 8:00 am on 640 WNNZ-AM

For other local areas, click here to search by state.

You can also stream or download the mp3 of the entire show featuring me, Esther Perel, Kate Bolick, Brian Kaufman and Martin Swinger, and more or listen to and download my segment here.

Jan 302013
 

Sam Fuller, an Oakland high school student writing for Youth Radio, has penned a quite insightful piece on polyamory, jealousy, and evolution. Fuller’s interested in the subject stems from a female friend of his who, at one point, was in a polyamorous relationship. Wanting to know more about the role of jealousy, he interviews Dossie Easton (author of The Ethical Slut) and evolutionary psychologist David Buss. Both have different views of jealousy and its role: Easton wonders why jealousy is the sole deal-breaking emotion in relationships, while Buss sees jealousy as a biological defense mechanism that protects relationships.

Deciding to do his own bout of research, Fuller distributes a questionnaire to 21 peers, measuring their jealousy scores. While the average score is a 56, his friend Kina’s score is 23 — making her much less jealous than the others.

Kina’s survey results made me wonder: had being poly and working on her insecure feelings actually made her a less jealous person? When I asked her about it, Kina said she thought it had, and she was glad for it. “Jealousy is just a counterproductive emotion,” she said. “It doesn’t make me happy.”

Of course, evolutionarily speaking, jealousy doesn’t work by making you happy. It works instead by creating an unhappy feeling, a feeling that your partner is threatening to reproduce and raise offspring with someone else. And once you have that feeling, you need to do something about it, whether it’s something immature, like attacking the person flirting with your partner, or mature, like talking to your partner about it.

In Kina’s case, she found ways to get rid of her jealous feelings, and that’s made her feel happy. In the end, evolution aside, that’s the question that mattered most to me.

Read the rest at Youth Radio.

Jan 282013
 

A recent study by relationship researcher Terri D. Conley and four colleagues at the University of Michigan concludes that there is no evidence to suggest that monogamous folks are any more satisfied than non-monogamous ones.

The study is a review of other research on consensual non-monogamy, and appeared in Personality and Social Psychology Review with the title A Critical Examination of Popular Assumptions About the Benefits and Outcomes of Monogamous Relationships.

After reviewing the research, the study concluded a few things: that “sexually unfaithful” individuals were less likely to use barrier methods than consensually non-monogamous (CNM) individuals; that gay men in CNM relationships felt a comparable level of satisfaction to gay men in monogamous relationships; and that jealousy was lower, more manageable, and less problematic for people in CNM relationships. The study elaborates:

Men reported that their open relationships accommodated their intimacy needs as well as their desires for sexual diversity. Moreover, the men in these partnerships often felt more intimate with their partner when they agreed to be non-monogamous. Just as monogamy can provide a sense of support and protection, consensual non-monogamy can provide the emotional support of a primary partnership while also allowing exploration of other sexual relationships.

Over at Psychology Today, Bella DePaulo summarizes the study’s findings in a series of three posts: Are Monogamous Relationships Really Better?Satisfied? Jealous? On Deciding Not to Be Monogamous, and Is Polyamory Bad For Children?.

Jan 242013
 

It’s official: Polyamory: Married & Dating has been renewed for a second season!

The popular Showtime reality docu-series, which followed one triad and one quad, concluded its first season last August. After that, the stars of the show made the media rounds, appearing on Dr. Drew, The Ricki Lake Show, and as experts in various online articles.

In October, show producer and director Natalia Garcia put out a call for new applications, although the second season was yet to be confirmed. Now it has been!

It’s still unknown whether the new season will include any of the previous participants. It should be interesting to see how it goes.

Jan 102013
 

PQ MonthlyThe December/January issue of PQ Monthly, a print and online publication for the LGBTQ communities of Oregon and SW Washington, featured an article called “Ethical sluttery: Poly relationships expand the reach of love and sex.”

The writer interviews two couples: Kyra Fey, a dominant-leaning switch, and her partner Earthquake; and Rachael Palmer and Devon Chase; plus a single guy named Jake who is dating around.

While Jake doesn’t think his parents could wrap their minds around polyamory, Rachael decided it was important to share that part of her life with her family, for the sake of her partners and simply to clear the air.

“I think for people who don’t know much about polyamory it is easy to assume that my primary and I are having problems and that’s why we are sleeping with other people, when in actuality it’s the opposite,” Rachael says. “We fuck other people because we want to be together for a long time and indulging our fantasies and desires keeps us happy and healthy.”

Read the rest of the article at PQ Monthly. The full interview with Rachael and Devon can be found here.

Jan 072013
 

Fast Forward WeeklyFast Forward Weekly is a progressive newspaper distributed to 1,300 coffee shops, restaurants, stores, and other locations around Calgary, Alberta. A couple weeks ago, a story on polyamory made it to the cover, along with the words “POLYAMORY IS NORMAL.”

The article, entitled “It takes more than two,” profiles several poly folks from Calgary and includes a few quotes from a Calgary sexologist.

Grant Shiels, a man in a triad, shares an analogy about the abundance of love within open relationships:

Making room on his calendar for three people is a challenge, Shiels acknowledges, but he disputes the common argument that, love being a finite commodity, polyamorous people will inevitably get less of it from their partners. Finding the time for his partners may be difficult, but finding the love isn’t.

“Sometimes I use the analogy of, if I were to have only one child, that would be great, I would love that child unconditionally and unreservedly — but if I had three or four children, would that change anything? In fact, I would say I’m blessed even more for having that much love and dynamic in my life.”

Read the rest at Fast Forward Weekly.

Jan 022013
 

Robert McGareyThe University of Texas at Austin’s student magazine, Orange, recently featured a profile of Robert McGarey, an openly poly man who founded The Human Potential Center in Austin in 1986.

While studying for his master’s degree in humanistic and transpersonal psychology, McGarey faced difficulty explaining his ideal relationship structure to girlfriends. He spent a few years working for a computer firm, but felt he was destined for something more.

After a dream spurred him to move to Austin, he founded The Human Potential Center, a non-profit organization focused on helping people become more empowered, loving, and “vibrantly alive.” The organization hosts movie nights, meditation sessions, potluck dinners, and more.

McGarey recalled a particularly moving memory he had from a recent outing hosted for poly individuals, where they asked everyone to map their intertwining relationships on a large sheet of butcher paper. “It looked like spaghetti all over the page, but then you realize that, in most cases, these are all loving, honest and committed relationships,” McGarey says. “And to me, that’s beautiful.”

McGarey lives in Austin with his three long-term “sweeties.”

Read the rest at Orange.

Dec 132012
 

Sierra Black, a poly woman who has been on 20/20 and writes articles on non-monogamy, has penned a new and useful piece called “How To Bring Your Boyfriend Home For The Holidays — When You’re Polyamorous.”

Black has previously opted not to bring a boyfriend to Thanksgiving in order to keep the peace, but she has some excellent pointers for those wanting to share their multiple partners with the family:

Above all, remember that you’re going to a lot of effort to spend time with these people — all these people, your parents and your partners — because you love them. You want them to connect with each other. Look for the comfort zone between your partners and your parents, just as you would with one partner. Don’t expect them to fit perfectly together, but find the points of overlap and focus on those. Does everyone love Chinese food? Maybe skip the traditional meal and order take-out. Universal fondness for board games? Bring some and cut the conversation short in favor of a few rounds of Dixit.

Read the rest at the Huffington Post. (Polyamory Weekly also did a podcast last year on this topic.)