Opening Up...

“We consider ourselves a "tri-relationship" with three equal sides.”
-- Lewis, Turner and Ivan

Cunning Minx gives a poly run-down

Apr 192012

UK sex toy shop Vibrations Direct invited Cunning Minx to write about her experience being poly on their blog. Her article covers a lot of ground, from poly relationship dynamics to her podcast (Polyamory Weekly) to what she loves about being poly:

What I love about being poly and part of the community is the sacredness of diversity. There is a lot of tolerance of weirdness and quirks and I love that, being a quirky person myself. I also love the sex-positivism. Poly people are not shy when talking about sex, sexual preferences and sexual acts in a frank and upfront manner. I love that I can ask a new partner to tell me his fantasies, and he will, without stuttering or shame. Lastly, I’m a big fan of the communication — turns me on. I really do get excited about someone with great communication skills, even more so than about someone with broad shoulders or a big cock.

She also relays her favorite sex toys of the moment and, at the end of the article, includes a list of tips for those new to polyamory. Check it out.

 Non-monogamy, Open Relationships, Polyamory  Comments Off

How do you manage attachment?

Apr 122012

Non-monogamous sex educator Charlie Glickman is in the process of prepping a workshop for OpenSF (a poly, open, and non-monogamous conference which takes place June 8-10 in San Francisco) called “Sex, Shame, & Love.” In the interest of including an array of experiences in his presentation, he is looking for your input. Here’s what he’s looking for:

In my view, love is the emotion that both fosters and results from closer connection, while shame both creates and comes from disconnection. If we’re going to build our skills at seeking the ever-shifting balances in our relationships, we need to be able to encompass both sides. So in this workshop, we’re going to explore how people juggle that. How do we make room for connection and room for creating distance? How do we maintain a relationship with the resilience needed to allow for other romantic/sexual/loving partners? What do we do to manage different relationships with different levels of closeness and connection? What can we do to make room for the feelings that arise (and often challenge us) around both connection and disconnection? What tools do people use for these processes?

. . . I’m curious to know how you make it work. What do you do to make room for those different dynamics? What do you do to manage them? For example, some people don’t do sleepovers with secondary partners, or reserve certain sexual activities for a primary, because they find that that helps them maintain a different bond with their primary partner.

To contribute your voice, comment on Glickman’s post or send him a confidential message through his contact form.

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Poly takes the stage on The Good Men Project

Apr 092012

Recently, there has been an explosion of articles about poly and non-monogamy posted on The Good Men Project, a website dedicated to examining men’s roles in modern life.

One article about non-monogamy was posted back in December, but there was a call for submissions that resulted in a good many more articles. Many of them have been posted in their polyamory section, but here’s a list of the best ones, with short snippets from each.

Polyamory, Fidelity and Faithfulness

The more honest you are with your lover about what you want from them, the more opportunities they will have to hurt you, but the more faithful to you it is possible for them to be.

The Poly Closet

. . . it often makes people uncomfortable when I come out as poly — revealing that I am not only capable of romantically loving more than one person, but I am doing so comfortably . . .

Bi Polyamory: Calling a Spade a Spade

Polyamory . . . is the recognition that there is no such thing as an ‘affair,’ ‘hook up,’ ‘mistress,’ ‘Fuck Buddy’ or a ‘Friends with Benefits’ but rather that such really IS a true relationship and that such labels are only the boundaries (positive or negative) that one chooses to practice it in.

Monogamy Isn’t For Everyone; Polyamory Isn’t Going to Ruin the World

I think it is important to set a discourse in motion that recognizes polyamory as a legitimate relational style, and that allows people to begin thinking differently about the variety of ways in which people can relate.

Polyamory: Rebooting Our Definitions of Love and Family

I do long for a world in which we can see the value and possibility of many different ways of forming relationships, and in which we can each freely form our own decisions about the kind of family we’d like to create.

Polyamory Is Pro-Family

We suspected that having multiple adults around to care for an infant would be great, but I don’t think any of us had any idea just how great it would be.

 Non-monogamy, Open Relationships, Polyamory  1 Response »

Have you completed the polyamory and marriage survey?

Mar 192012

Saturday, March 31 is the deadline for participation in the Loving More sponsored polyamory and marriage survey, which means there are less than two weeks left to submit you answers. The survey is meant to gauge how polyamorous people feel about marriage.

The survey is fairly brief and all responses will be kept confidential. No individually identifying information will be collected.

Take the survey here!

 Call for Participants, Non-monogamy, Polyamory  2 Responses »

Video tips for successful non-monogamy

Mar 162012

Marcia Baczynski, open relationship coach and co-creator of Cuddle Party,  has launched a website and series of videos featuring tips for successful non-monogamy. Baczynski has been working with open and poly folks for 8 years, so she has seen patterns, success stories, and missteps in her clients’ relationships.

The first video, which is live on Baczynski’s website, is about the three things that successful open relationships have in common. The following videos — which can be accessed by submitting a name and email address — detail the common mistakes that couples make when opening up their relationships, and how to avoid them.

Baczynski is holding a free teleclass on Thursday, March 22nd to answer viewer questions. She can also be found on Twitter.

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Alan M. on where polyamory’s headed

Mar 142012

Alan M. of Poly in the Media gave the keynote speech at the Poly Living 2012 conference in Philadelphia, and the full text is available on Alan’s blog. Entitled “Busting Loose: Polyamory in the Next Five Years,” Alan’s speech details all the recent wins for the poly community, citing positive news stories as indicative of a shift in the public perception and media portrayal of poly folks.

For instance: Unlike in previous cheating-politician scandals… (laughter)… the Newt Gingrich open-marriage episode two weeks ago became a vehicle for major media attention to good open and poly relationships, contrasting with how Gingrich did it . . . Representatives for poly done well are suddenly in demand to I think an unprecedented degree.

. . . Our own presenters Anita and Tim Illig and Michael Rios and Sarah Taub here this weekend were riding this wave last night on the Channel Seven news in DC, representing us and our values just beautifully.

. . . Other milestones in the last month or so: In the space of one week, we saw poly triad families, each with a kid, profiled positively on ABC’s Morning Edition, Nightline, and the National Geographic Channel. More and more of the public is getting acquainted with what multi-partner families actually look like. We are becoming more familiar; on the way to being normalized.

That same week, we also saw a broadcast-TV drama, ABC’s “Private Practice,” present a fictional polyamorous triad family — explicitly called that by name, so viewers would be sure to get it — treated so well, and at such length, that it reminded me of the first breakthrough shows treating gay characters with understanding and respect.

. . . we’ve by and large successfully represented the modern polyamory movement to the public as what we know ourselves to be: ethical people who care deeply about good relationships — smart, verbal, interesting, friendly people — nonthreatening and respectful of all well-considered relationship choices, monogamy included — and by and large just kind of adorable. Every year we are better entrenching this public image, firming up our defense against future moral panics.

Alan’s keynote goes on to explain how poly culture could influence the direction and survival of Western civilization 150-200 years from now. In all, it’s a refreshingly optimistic speech. Read the whole thing here.

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Opening up as a gay male couple

Mar 122012

“The Gay Male Couple’s Guide to Nonmonogamy” is an article from The Advocate about gay men in open relationships, with tips on how to open a relationship and maintain happiness within it. The piece begins with interviews with several couples whose relationships were monogamous for many years before the men decided to open them up.

The article’s focus is on solid primary relationships and agreed-upon sex outside the relationship. Therapists, a psychologist, and a psychiatrist give their input on what couples can do to ensure success with an open relationship of this type. Not surprisingly, their advice centers around honest communication and established boundaries.

Despite the perils it presents, nonmonogamy can be a source of great satisfaction. “I’ve actually seen many couples develop more compassion and trust in the course of the relationship when they are open and clear that they really want each other to be free, honest, and happy,” says [clinical psychologist] Huber. “Sex is a very powerful, vital source of joy when explored deeply.”

Read the rest on The Advocate. The second page of the article features a checklist of things to talk about before opening your relationship.

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World premiere of Yes, We’re Open this Sunday

Mar 092012

A fictional film about non-monogamy will be making its debut this Sunday at the 30th San Francisco International Asian American Film Festival — and as the Centerpiece Presentation, no less! The feature film, Yes, We’re Open, was written by H.P. Mendoza and directed by Richard Wong. It was filmed in just 16 days in the San Francisco Bay Area, and acquired post-production funding with the help of a successful Kickstarter campaign.

The synopsis:

LUKE and SYLVIA think of themselves as a modern couple — always in the know and open to new experiences. Enter ELENA and RONALD — a provocative polyamorous couple that challenge Luke and Sylvia’s status in their circle of friends and with each other. With temptation around the corner, Luke and Sylvia must figure out where they really stand on love, sex, and honesty.

The premiere will take place at the historic Castro Theatre this Sunday, March 11th. Tickets can be purchased online here, where you can also read a more detailed synopsis.

Be sure to follow the film on Facebook and Twitter for info on future screenings.

 Events, Non-monogamy, Open Relationships, Polyamory  1 Response »

Progressive love on Dr. Phil

Mar 072012

Married relationship coaches Kenya and Carl Stevens, who were profiled briefly in an opinion piece in the February issue of Ebony magazine, were the subjects of a recent epside of Dr. Phil.

Unfortunately, the couple are handled with the same dramatic, in-your-face tone that Dr. Phil is known for. The full show can’t be found online, but several clips and a write-up of the appearance are available on Dr. Phil’s website. The write-up includes many quotes from the show, in which Carl and Kenya explain how opening up their marriage has enriched their lives.

“When my husband and I went from monogamous marriage to open marriage, everything changed,” Kenya says. “I felt like I came out of hiding. My husband came alive. I came alive.”

. . . “We practice progressive love,” Carl tells Dr. Phil. “It’s not just open marriage. Open marriage is a relationship style. It’s like monogamy or polygamy, whatever. So, we practice progressive love, and what that means is we’re allowed to show up authentically with each other, that we trust each other, and we love each other unconditionally.”

Some clips from the show can be found on the pages of the write-up. Kenya wrote about her experience on the show on her blog.

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Pagan and poly interview series

Mar 052012

PNC-Minnesota is part of the Pagan Newswire Collective, a group of Pagan journalists, newsmakers, media liaisons, and writers. They recently featured a series of interviews on their blog, profiling folks who are both Pagan and poly. PNC-Minnesota asks the interviewees about the challenges and benefits of being poly, and also posits questions about the intersection of their Pagan and poly identities. The four interviews are as follows:

In the final interview and post, interviewer Nels Linde wraps things up with this sentiment:

What is clear to me is that Pagans practicing polyamory are as diverse and adaptable as Pagans themselves. Our world has changed from one where the intact ‘nuclear’ family is the place where the majority of people find intimacy. People universally want to experience love, and they will go through much to have more of it. For some people polyamory is the perfect solution to getting as much love in their lives as they can. I am glad someone is learning all the skills needed to maintain that much love! We can all learn from that.

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