Opening Up...

You mustn't force sex to do the work of love, or love to do the work of sex.
-- Mary McCarthy

PNC-Minnesota is part of the Pagan Newswire Collective, a group of Pagan journalists, newsmakers, media liaisons, and writers. They recently featured a series of interviews on their blog, profiling folks who are both Pagan and poly. PNC-Minnesota asks the interviewees about the challenges and benefits of being poly, and also posits questions about the intersection of their Pagan and poly identities. The four interviews are as follows:

In the final interview and post, interviewer Nels Linde wraps things up with this sentiment:

What is clear to me is that Pagans practicing polyamory are as diverse and adaptable as Pagans themselves. Our world has changed from one where the intact ‘nuclear’ family is the place where the majority of people find intimacy. People universally want to experience love, and they will go through much to have more of it. For some people polyamory is the perfect solution to getting as much love in their lives as they can. I am glad someone is learning all the skills needed to maintain that much love! We can all learn from that.

You can’t go wrong when it comes to Sadie Smythe, author and blogger at Sadie’s Open Marriage. So, this recent interview with her is definitely worth reading. Her response to the inevitable question about jealousy is especially great. Smythe says:

. . . I’ve been called a proponent for open relationships, but I’m really a proponent of designing the relationship of your choice — making the relationship look the way you want it to look, not the way others expect it to.

What about jealousy? In terms of being confronted with who you are, one of the biggest components you have to deal with is the jealously factor. In the traditional monogamous marriage jealousy occurs — he’s looking at the waitress, flirting with a friend — and you feel these feelings, and it’s almost expected. But when you are in an open relationship, and there’s actually a person to be jealous of, it forces you to go inward in a way you wouldn’t otherwise. What is jealousy? It is fear turned in on itself. What do I fear? I fear losing him? But the reality is that I could lose him anyway.

. . . What have you learned? When you start talking to your husband or wife about sex and about what you really want — providing both you are being accepting of that information and not judging it — it can be really powerful . . . I think everyone should make their relationship what they want it to be. Design it to their own specifications.

Read the rest here.

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