More from the cast of Polyamory: Married & Dating

Showtime's reality show Polyamory: Married & Dating may have wrapped, but its cast members are continuing to make waves in the community. In the first media frenzy, they were on Dr. Drew and several radio shows. Then, on September 17th, Michael and Kamala (from the show's quad) appeared on an episode of The Ricki Lake Show.

Additionally, Kamala wrote a post on her website entitled "How a Reality Show Altered My Reality: Top Ten Ways the Polyamory Series Changed my Life!" This part was particularly interesting:

The hardest part of the project was playing myself. My director’s constant guidance was for me to be more real, she encouraged me to stop preaching about authenticity, emotional sensitivity, and honesty and actually start showing it. After being a leader in the polyamory community for so many years, it was hard to step off my soap box and work through my own jealousy, judgements and possessiveness on camera. This work has evolved me from a teacher -- to a role model who has to walk her talk.

Plus, Jessica from Modern Poly sat down with Anthony (from the show's triad) for an excellent and lengthy interview. Jessica asked Anthony about the selection and production process of the show, the show's impact on mainstream acceptance of polyamory, the reactions from family and the community, and what advice he would give to poly folks considering being filmed for a TV show.

When asked what poly activists and leaders in the poly movement should focus on, he explained:

. . . I too often see polyamory activists -- like most activists in most fields I've worked in -- waste too much time and energy nitpicking each other over what each other's beliefs or lifestyle does for the movement.

I've witnessed this with our show, reading countless comments about how we hurt the community because we have rules that would chafe many poly people, or our having sex on television and not being polyfidelitous gives the unfortunate impression that poly is for the sexually insatiable or is glorified swinging. I've heard it all, and I think it's unhelpful. For one thing, it's unrealistic to look for the poly family that perfectly represents poly. We're all as eccentric and different as monogamous people. You undercut the liberating potential of poly[amory] if you make people feel guilty for not subscribing to the politically correct poly profile. When people do a show like ours, celebrate first and foremost the victory of us getting on mainstream tv like that, and that intelligent loving people were chosen, not drama queens.

Read Kamala's full post and Anthony's full interview. And stay tuned for more information on a potential second season of Polyamory: Married & Dating!

Researchers looking for poly Americans and Australians

The blog Polyamory Practically has posted a call for participants in a research project on polyamorous lives. The study is being conducted by researchers in the Department of Sociology at Macquarie University in Australia. They are looking for poly folks ages 18-65 of any sexual orientation or gender identity, both in the U.S. and Australia. It appears their aim is to discern differences between non-monogamous experiences in the two countries.

The call reads:

We are looking for participants for a study on polyamorous lives, what makes them possible and how they are lived. The research is part of our work at the Department of Sociology, Macquarie University. In this study we aim to find out what relationship agreements and structures poly people have in their lives and what life stories each individual brings to non-monogamy.

A 1-2 hour interview will be conducted, which will involve a short survey. There is no deadline listed.

If you are interested and live in the U.S., please contact Beth Hill at beth.emily.hill [at] gmail [dot] com. If you live in Australia or have general inquiries, please contact Dr. Nikó Antalffy of the Department of Sociology at Macquarie University at Niko.Antalffy [at]

Pagan and poly interview series

PNC-Minnesota is part of the Pagan Newswire Collective, a group of Pagan journalists, newsmakers, media liaisons, and writers. They recently featured a series of interviews on their blog, profiling folks who are both Pagan and poly. PNC-Minnesota asks the interviewees about the challenges and benefits of being poly, and also posits questions about the intersection of their Pagan and poly identities. The four interviews are as follows:

In the final interview and post, interviewer Nels Linde wraps things up with this sentiment:

What is clear to me is that Pagans practicing polyamory are as diverse and adaptable as Pagans themselves. Our world has changed from one where the intact 'nuclear' family is the place where the majority of people find intimacy. People universally want to experience love, and they will go through much to have more of it. For some people polyamory is the perfect solution to getting as much love in their lives as they can. I am glad someone is learning all the skills needed to maintain that much love! We can all learn from that.

An interview with Sadie Smythe

You can't go wrong when it comes to Sadie Smythe, author and blogger at Sadie's Open Marriage. So, this recent interview with her is definitely worth reading. Her response to the inevitable question about jealousy is especially great. Smythe says:

. . . I've been called a proponent for open relationships, but I’m really a proponent of designing the relationship of your choice -- making the relationship look the way you want it to look, not the way others expect it to.

What about jealousy? In terms of being confronted with who you are, one of the biggest components you have to deal with is the jealously factor. In the traditional monogamous marriage jealousy occurs -- he's looking at the waitress, flirting with a friend — and you feel these feelings, and it's almost expected. But when you are in an open relationship, and there's actually a person to be jealous of, it forces you to go inward in a way you wouldn't otherwise. What is jealousy? It is fear turned in on itself. What do I fear? I fear losing him? But the reality is that I could lose him anyway.

. . . What have you learned? When you start talking to your husband or wife about sex and about what you really want -- providing both you are being accepting of that information and not judging it -- it can be really powerful . . . I think everyone should make their relationship what they want it to be. Design it to their own specifications.

Read the rest here.