Apr 152013
 

wife-swapOn a recent episode of Wife Swap, a political talk show host and Tea Party activist named Gina Loudon traded lives with Angela Envy, a woman in a polyamorous relationship. As you might imagine, the fur flew.

Alan of Poly in the Media braved the treacherous waters of the episode in order to write about it for the rest of us:

 Usually “Wife Swap” ends with the two families sitting at a roundtable to discuss the experience. But ABC made a big thing in its publicity that this was the first time in the show’s history (it’s now in Season 7) when one family refused to met and discuss.

Which chickened out? The Loudons. A narrator says that John and Gina’s attorney informed the show that they would no longer participate in any way. So, we are left with the triad and their kids at the roundtable alone, discussing how awfully things went, how disrespectful and judgmental the politico-religious couple were, and how utterly overjoyed they all are to be back together safe again in their own happy home.

 . . . My assessment:  The show displayed Religious Right evangelicals being their worst. No viewer can have missed this. The poly family came off as trashy at first, but became much more sympathetic during the ordeal as they pulled together and stuck up for each other at every turn. The happy ending was lopsidedly pro-poly.

Read the entirety of Alan’s review. And if you’d like, watch the full Wife Swap episode on ABC’s site.

The episode was also a topic of discussion on a recent episode of the Poly Weekly podcast.

Apr 132013
 

destination-america“Swingers and Free Love” is the name of the one-hour episode on this Tuesday’s “Hidden in America” series on the Destination America channel. It will feature the family of Sierra Black, whom we’ve written about a bit here on Opening Up.

Black has been involved with several different media pieces over the years (notably an episode of 20/20), and she’s written about the experience on Huffington Post, detailing specifically the ways in which mainstream media tends to erase some aspects of her identity and relationships:

TV makes it look like I have A Husband and A Boyfriend and A Girlfriend (in that order), not a spectrum of relationships with different friends and lovers and partners. There’s no sex in my TV relationships. On TV, I never worry about money. My husband’s Latin American background is erased, as is his complex queer identity.

. . . When 20/20 filmed us, they were here for three days to get seven minutes of final footage. They spent many hours talking to us all as a group and to each of us individually. All the brilliant, witty, insightful things my unmarried lovers and friends said wound up on the cutting room floor; they used only interview material from the two married couples in the group. That sure made those pairings look like primary relationships in a way that the original interviews did not.

They took hours of footage of me with the two women I was romantically linked to, and used only a few seconds of it, while focusing lots of screen time on my lunch date with the charming young man I hang out with. That editing choice sure made me look straight in a way the original filming did not.

. . . . the media is cleverly misrepresenting my life to fit a certain model.

Black spoke to Alan of Poly in the Media about the upcoming “Hidden in America” episode, where she explained:

We filmed it last summer, and it’s been delayed considerably. We liked the producers a lot; they seemed generally respectful and like they “got us”. They asked thoughtful questions, backed off when we corrected them about mistaken assumptions, and took a lot of guidance from us in shaping what they filmed. They spent a long time interviewing us individually, which gave people a chance to say really interesting things, but who knows how that will play on TV or how much of it they’ll use.

. . . I think in some ways it will be very similar to the 20/20 piece; they asked a lot of the same kinds of questions and used some of the same settings. Which was a little disappointing, but maybe unavoidable — there’s a clear story to tell here. My hope is that it will be more reflective of our actual lives and less supporting the kinds of mainstream stereotypes the 20/20 piece played into, but I have no idea how they will have edited the footage they took.

Catch the episode this Tuesday, April 16th on the Destination America Channel. Find the schedule and locate the channel here.

Mar 042013
 

Our America with Lisa LingTomorrow, March 5th, on Oprah’s OWN network, a new episode of “Our America with Lisa Ling” will center on polyamory and various poly families. The one-hour show is called “I Love You & You… & You.”

The show has been in the works since last August, when Robyn Trask, director of Loving More, was contacted by producers of the show. After some sniffing around to make sure the show would be respectful, Trask put the producers in contact with several poly families.

Ultimately, the show will feature Trask and her long-term partner Jesus V. Garcia and their partners, plus a triad from Vancouver and a quint from the Philadelphia area. The Philadelphia quint run the blog Polyskeptic. Shaun wrote a short post about the upcoming show, and Gina wrote about the process of coming out at work in preparation for its airing. Trask found the filming process to be pleasant:

Working with the producers, crew and Lisa Ling, who is an award winning journalist, was a delight. We spent three full days filming at our home in Loveland, CO. Overall it was a fun experience and very different from other TV crews I have worked with.

Two teaser videos have been released, entitled “Plenty of Love to Go Around” and “Monogamy’s Not For Everyone.”

“I Love You & You… & You” will air Tuesday, March 5th at 10 p.m. Eastern on OWN (use the channel finder to determine the channel number). It will re-air three hours later, and again on subsequent dates. The schedule can be found here.

Mar 012013
 

To The Best of Our Knowledge

I will be on “To The Best of Our Knowledge” as part of a show called ‘After the Romance,’ which airs this weekend on NPR stations. I’ll talk with host Steve Paulson about my book Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, open relationships, swinging, polyamory, and more.

You can hear it during the following times on local NPR stations:

Atlanta, GA: Monday and Tuesday 11:00 am on 91.7 WUGA-FM
Columbus, OH: Sunday 3:00 pm on 89.7 WOSU-FM
Eugene, OR: Sunday 8:00 am on 1280 KRVM-AM
Los Angeles, CA: Sunday 9:00 pm on 88.3 KCLU-FM
Milwaukee, WI: Sunday 12:00 pm on 90.7 WHAD-FM
San Francisco, CA: Sunday, 8:00 am on 91.7 KALW-FM and Sunday, 7:00 pm on 88.5 KQED-FM
Seattle, WA: Friday (3/8) 8:00 pm on 94.9 KUOW-FM
Springfield, MA: Sunday, 8:00 am on 640 WNNZ-AM

For other local areas, click here to search by state.

You can also stream or download the mp3 of the entire show featuring me, Esther Perel, Kate Bolick, Brian Kaufman and Martin Swinger, and more or listen to and download my segment here.

Jan 242013
 

It’s official: Polyamory: Married & Dating has been renewed for a second season!

The popular Showtime reality docu-series, which followed one triad and one quad, concluded its first season last August. After that, the stars of the show made the media rounds, appearing on Dr. Drew, The Ricki Lake Show, and as experts in various online articles.

In October, show producer and director Natalia Garcia put out a call for new applications, although the second season was yet to be confirmed. Now it has been!

It’s still unknown whether the new season will include any of the previous participants. It should be interesting to see how it goes.

Oct 172012
 

Natalia Garcia (center) and the season 1 quad

Showtime has yet to make a decision on whether they’ll renew Polamory: Married & Dating for a second season, but show creator and director Natalia Garcia is hoping to recruit and interview more poly families just in case. Here is the bulk of her call for interested folks, posted in various places online:

I’m reaching out in hopes of speaking with poly families interested in possibly sharing their story with me. I’m looking for polyamorous families that are charismatic, healthy, active; can be unmarried but practicing poly (don’t all have to live together); bisexuality is welcome in both male and female partners; and are open to sharing all aspects of their love lives. Families in Canada are welcome as well.

As I think you have seen, I am a person of integrity and my intent is to portray polyamorists as loving, mature adults who are capable of carrying on multiple loving relationships in a world that has programmed us for monogamy. I’ve had so many people reach out to me, mono people struggling in their relationships telling me the show changed their lives for the better. Despite what Dr. Drew said, I believe 100% that Polyamory is a sustainable way of living — and I would like to continue the pro-Polyamory conversation in the mainstream.

Alan M. also did an interview with Garcia asking about the show’s performance. Showtime was very happy with the series, she explains, and it did very well, especially for a new series with barely any promotion. She also elaborates on what she’s looking for as she moves forward in finding more families:

I would like to add some parameters of the families I’m looking for: 25 to 50, camera friendly, and open to letting us into the bedroom. All male, all female, V’s — all poly formations are welcome. They should have or try to watch the series to understand what would be expected of them. Also, if people could send a picture when they inquire, that helps me keep track of everyone — and there’s a lot people to keep track of!

Garcia asks that anyone interested email her at natstertv [at] yahoo [dot] com.

Oct 102012
 

Showtime’s reality show Polyamory: Married & Dating may have wrapped, but its cast members are continuing to make waves in the community. In the first media frenzy, they were on Dr. Drew and several radio shows. Then, on September 17th, Michael and Kamala (from the show’s quad) appeared on an episode of The Ricki Lake Show.

Additionally, Kamala wrote a post on her website entitled “How a Reality Show Altered My Reality: Top Ten Ways the Polyamory Series Changed my Life!” This part was particularly interesting:

The hardest part of the project was playing myself. My director’s constant guidance was for me to be more real, she encouraged me to stop preaching about authenticity, emotional sensitivity, and honesty and actually start showing it. After being a leader in the polyamory community for so many years, it was hard to step off my soap box and work through my own jealousy, judgements and possessiveness on camera. This work has evolved me from a teacher — to a role model who has to walk her talk.

Plus, Jessica from Modern Poly sat down with Anthony (from the show’s triad) for an excellent and lengthy interview. Jessica asked Anthony about the selection and production process of the show, the show’s impact on mainstream acceptance of polyamory, the reactions from family and the community, and what advice he would give to poly folks considering being filmed for a TV show.

When asked what poly activists and leaders in the poly movement should focus on, he explained:

. . . I too often see polyamory activists — like most activists in most fields I’ve worked in — waste too much time and energy nitpicking each other over what each other’s beliefs or lifestyle does for the movement.

I’ve witnessed this with our show, reading countless comments about how we hurt the community because we have rules that would chafe many poly people, or our having sex on television and not being polyfidelitous gives the unfortunate impression that poly is for the sexually insatiable or is glorified swinging. I’ve heard it all, and I think it’s unhelpful. For one thing, it’s unrealistic to look for the poly family that perfectly represents poly. We’re all as eccentric and different as monogamous people. You undercut the liberating potential of poly[amory] if you make people feel guilty for not subscribing to the politically correct poly profile. When people do a show like ours, celebrate first and foremost the victory of us getting on mainstream tv like that, and that intelligent loving people were chosen, not drama queens.

Read Kamala’s full post and Anthony’s full interview. And stay tuned for more information on a potential second season of Polyamory: Married & Dating!

Oct 082012
 

I was recently a guest on two parts of the Polyamory Weekly podcast!

In the first part, episode #334, I chat with podcast host Cunning Minx about my book, The Ultimate Guide to Kink. I talk about why I decided to write it, why I chose an anthology format, who should read the book, and what I’m hoping they’ll get out of it. We also talk about the different sections of the book — skills/techniques and fantasies/fetishes — and what each one offers to the reader.

The second part, episode #335, is an advice segment in which I answer listener questions about poly and kink. Here’s what was asked:

  • Ian asks: please explain the multi-partner dynamic as it exists in the kink world, and how it is different (or similar) to the poly. (There are many polys who are not kinky, many kinky who are not poly, and many many monogamous people who are kinky and have issues participating in the kink community.)
  • Emma asks: I’ve been asked to do scenes with people who are “sexually monogamous” with their partners. Lots of conversation about what activities count as sex ensues, but I’m still nervous to play with monogamous people. What if something is improvised in the moment and crosses that line? What if something feels sexual to me but not to them?
  • Herb asks: Have you actually seen or heard of a fetish that surprised you?
  • James asks: What if someone wants to try something scary (breath play) but is worried about past sexual abuse issues it could bring up?

Listen to both episodes here and here, browse the past archives here, and follow Polyamory Weekly on their site and Facebook!

Sep 062012
 

A casting call posted on reality TV show casting website Reality Wanted is asking for polyamorous folks in relationships.

Are you currently involved in a polyamorous relationship? Are you a man or woman with a unique story on how to found polyamory and what it has done for you life? Are you new to the polyamorous community or been in it for some time and open to sharing your story? Maybe you attend poly parties in hopes of expanding your relationships? Do you and more than one spouse live and raise a family all under the same roof?

LA based Production Company seeking men and women who are currently engaged in committed relationships with multiple partners.

There isn’t any other info available. You’ll need to get an account at Reality Wanted to apply. The deadline is September 30th.

If you are interested in participating in further media events or want guidance on how ensure a fair portrayal of yourself, be sure to check out the Polyamory Media Association.

Aug 302012
 

The poly community has been anxiously following the reality show Polyamory: Married and Dating since it premiered on July 12th on Showtime. Many folks have written posts and reviews of the show. Now, the seven-episode-long season has concluded, the last of the recaps are being written, and the stars of the show are hitting the media circuit.

Alan M. wrote about episodes 4 and 5, episode 6 (which he called “the best, most serious, most moving episode yet”), and the final episode. Modern Poly has continued publishing recaps as well. Alan sums up his feelings about the show succinctly:

My own view remains that for all the imperfections and humanity of the cast, the show is the best thing that has happened for public understanding of polyamory in ages.

The San Diego quad (Kamala, Michael, Jen, and Tahl) even made an appearance on the Dr. Drew Show, which thankfully didn’t go as badly as expected, while two members of the triad, Anthony and Vanessa, were interviewed for the Polyamory Weekly podcast as well as on KPFA public radio.

You can follow the show on Facebook and follow the quad on Facebook to keep track of upcoming appearances. It is unknown whether the show will be renewed for a second season.