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“You mustn't force sex to do the work of love, or love to do the work of sex.”
-- Mary McCarthy

Female boxer: polyamorous?

Jan 292012

Listening to Weekend Edition on the local NPR station today, I heard an interesting piece, “‘I Am A Boxer’: Fighter In The Ring, Lady Outside It,” about female boxers who hope to make the U.S. Olympic Team for women’s boxing. The first woman profiled was Bertha Aracil, a 29 year old amateur boxer. Talking about Aracil, reporter Marianne McCune said this (emphasis mine):

When I met her she was living in a basement apartment in the Bronx with a man and a woman she called her husband and her wife. They were cooking for a band of nieces, nephews, and sisters, part of a big family of Cuban immigrants. Aracil is 5’9″ with jeans, boots, she says that her many tattoos tell the story of who she is.

Whoa, what? That’s right. Not only was Aracil clearly open about her nontraditional and nonmonogamous (polyamorous?) relationship, but the NPR reporter treated it as completely ordinary, just part of the profile. Unfortunately, this little item is missing from the written piece on npr.org, but you can download the audio of the segment here.

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Triad on National Geographic’s “Taboo”

Jan 242012

An equilateral triad family from the San Francisco area was recently profiled in National Geographic’s show Taboo, in an episode entitled “Odd Couples.” The family consists of two men and a woman who have been together for 17 years and are raising a teenager.

In 8 seasons of the show, National Geographic has turned the spotlight on many anthropological practices, such as voodoo, body modification, and initiation rituals, while also tackling topics that are merely unusual, such as strange pets and peculiar foods. Filming of the family took place last June, and there was trepidation over how the segment would be edited.

Thankfully, the family was treated respectfully. Alan M. describes the segment:

What a sweet portrayal it turned out to be, from start to finish! Cuddly kindness and family warmth; intelligence and thoughtfulness — and such a steady smooth flow was evident among these people after their 17 years together. There was some mostly good commentary by a few talking-head experts (Helen Fisher, Peter Singer, Elisabeth Sheff). The 15-year-old in particular was articulate, perceptive, and proud to have so many good parental figures. The show went on for nearly 20 minutes including commercial breaks. It ended with them making a trip to Redwood Forest National Park (above), where they have an annual ritual of renewing their wedding vows.

Check National Geographic’s schedule for air times. The episode cannot be found online at the moment, but you can watch a 3-minute preview on National Geographic’s website.

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A polyfi triad on ABC’s “Private Practice”

Jan 122012

Thursday’s season premiere of ABC’s “Private Practice,” a medical drama that chronicles the lives of a group of doctors and patients, contained a surprisingly sympathetic poly-oriented subplot! Alongside other subplots, there’s a polyfi triad — two women and a man — who want to have a child together, and the doctors assist them in their journey.

Alan M. describes the poly subplot in full:

In comes a nice, seemingly conventional lesbian couple, Kendra and Rose, to interview with the fertility specialist. They’ve been together six years and want a child — one woman will be the egg donor, the other will bear the baby. Also along for the interview is the intended sperm donor, Evan . . . When the counselor advises the women that they need to have him sign away parental rights, they balk, and the truth comes out: they’re not actually conventional at all.

“We’re all in love,” they reveal, holding hands.

“We know it sounds crazy—”

As they’re explaining: “That first night was amazing. And, so was the next morning. And, every morning after that. Most mornings.”

. . . The docs in the practice discuss it among themselves. “A what?” “A polyamorous triad.” They debate. “…That’s the same argument that said interracial and same-sex couples shouldn’t have children.” The docs come to agreement: they will do the egg fertilization and implant, as the three wish.

But this is a TV drama, right? An ultrasound reveals a problem.

Read the rest of Alan M.’s account to find out how the storyline resolves itself. Or better yet, check out the 43-minute episode on ABC’s website or on Hulu.

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More press for Jaiya and family

Dec 192011

Following their recent appearance in Details magazine and on Anderson Cooper’s talk show, sex guru Jaiya Ma and her two partners continue to receive some very prominent press. First, they were interviewed for Great Britain’s Daily Mail, in an article that lets the family speak for themselves, telling the story of how they came together, along with personal photos.

Jaiya’s family was also the focus of a recent article on ABC News, awkwardly titled, “Polyamory on Rise Among Divorce-Disgusted Americans.” Again, the family’s arrangement is detailed, including Jaiya’s rules for safe sex and check-ins. The article also includes the voice of Robin Trask, Executive Director of polyamory advocacy group Loving More.

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Handling the holidays while poly

Dec 132011

This time of year can be difficult for anyone in a non-traditional relationship, which is why this recent Polyamory Weekly podcast is so important and helpful. The description reads:

Sometimes it’s tough to be poly over the holidays. Which relatives are you out to? Can you introduce your lover to your auntie May? How do you schedule family time? Listeners wrote in via Facebook and Twitter to ask the toughest holiday-related poly issues, and cohosts Joreth and Puck help Minx to sort them out . . .

The discussion topics include:

  • How to introduce non-spouses
  • How to prevent your poly-aware daughter from letting closeted poly relationships slip in front of the “in-laws”
  • Is being closeted OK to certain relatives?
  • How do you handle feeling secondary and isolated?
  • How do you manage economic disparities?
  • How do you deal with missing some and disappointing others?

Listen to the podcast for some great tips and advice!

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Media blitz for Jaiya Ma and family includes interview with Anderson Cooper

Nov 122011

Sex expert and author Jaiya Ma, along with her partners Ian and Jon, have been taking the media by storm recently. First, they were profiled in a lengthy piece in Details magazine about MFM poly families. The article has a strange tone and makes some assumptions, but is ultimately accepting of polyamory:

it’s hard to see the harm in egalitarian, secular arrangements like Jon, Jaiya, and Ian’s . . . if plural marriage is ever to gain broad acceptance, it won’t be because of Mormon fundamentalists. It will be because of people like Ian, Jon, and Jaiya — affluent, educated city dwellers in mutually respectful relationships.

Jaiya wrote about the coverage on her blog, and Alan at Poly in the Media contacted some of the other people who were featured to see if they felt the piece was fair.

Then, Jaiya, Jon, and Ian were interviewed on Anderson Cooper’s daytime talk show. The show included a little video montage of their home life, followed by questions from Cooper and the audience. Several clips of the show were posted on Anderson Cooper’s blog. Check them out:

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Pedestrian Polyamory podcast debuts

Oct 152011

A new polyamory podcast has hit the internet! Pedestrian Polyamory, hosted by Shira B. Katz and her husband, Gavin Katz, is a Life on the Swingset spin-off that focuses on discussing polyamory in a down-to-earth manner. As they describe it:

We are normal, skeptical, logical and slightly geeky poly folk who have nearly 20 combined years of polyamory under our belt. We’re certainly not sages or experts but we aren’t novices and we aren’t trying to sell you anything. We just want a realistic and normalized viewpoint on polyamory out there because, truly, after all these years polyamory is kind of pedestrian.

In the first episode of Pedestrian Polyamory, Shira interviews Gavin about his views on polyamory, and they discuss topics such as “turning vanillas to polyamory, dealing with a partner who dates more than you, gender inadequacies in online dating, and being an introvert in an extroverted lifestyle.”

Pedestrian Polyamory can be found on iTunes and FeedBurner.

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Non-monogamous leanings in Kanye West lyrics

Sep 102011

As polyamory becomes an increasingly more mainstream topic, I thought this article in The Atlantic was interesting: Two Views of Monogamy From Kanye West and Jay-Z on ‘Watch the Throne’. The article is mostly a close examination of lyrical content; the writer eventually concludes that Jay-Z is more concerned with monogamy, while Kanye West is in favor of non-monogamy.

Some of the most interesting tidbits about Kanye West are excerpted below.

The only vision of domestic bliss we get is decidedly non-traditional: “I’m a freak, huh, rock star life / The second girl with us, that’s our wife.”

. . . To an ever-increasing extent, [Kanye West’s] rap fixates on the idea of sanctioned polyamory, in which sleeping around jibes with having a committed relationship . . . He’s trying to establish a new order, to evangelize for Dan Savage-ordained good-giving-gameness between lovers — an acceptance of kink that the outside world condemns. For Kanye, as for a lot of guys, that kink is having multiple partners. “Hell of a Life,” off 2010′s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, was about this; on it, he fantasized about being married to a permissive porn star who’d let him get with whomever he’d like.

. . . In Watch the Throne’s opening number “No Church in the Wild” — a song about having the ability to write one’s own rules — he rhapsodizes about a new religion: “No sins as long as there’s permission’ / And deception is the only felony / So never fuck nobody without tellin’ me.” A few lines later, his mind drifts to a dream girl marked by two tattoos: “One read ‘No Apologies’ / The other said ‘Love is Cursed by Monogamy.’”

Read the rest on The Atlantic.

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Mockumentary web series questions monogamy

Aug 302011

A newly-launched mockumentary web series called The Monogamy Experiment is offering a fun, off-the-cuff look at open relationships. The series is about a young couple who decide to dabble in non-monogamy for 30 days.

The series is written, co-produced, and directed by actress Amy Rider (known for her role in The Secret Life of the American Teenager). Various members of the cast are known for their roles on Charmed, The Big Bang Theory, and Heroes.

More info about the series:

The Monogamy Experiment combines the genres of documentary and romantic comedy into a naturalistic mockumentary. A “too-young-to-get-married-yet” 20-something experiments on herself and her boyfriend to find the truth about whether we are truly monogamous or not before they head to the altar. The world of The Monogamy Experiment has a light but grounded tone, while everything about the acting indicates this is nothing less then a true documentary, comedic situations abound.

The Monogamy Experiment is about the human condition — whether or not we can be pegged into the hole of being the type of animals who are biologically monogamous or not… or whether human emotions blur any ability to peg us into any category at all.

Here’s the first episode:

Episodes two and three can be found on YouTube, with more to come. The Monogamy Experiment can also be followed on Twitter and Facebook.

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Margaret Cho on her open marriage

Jun 152011

Comedian/actress Margaret Cho was a guest on CBS afternoon show “The Talk” this week. At one point, she was asked about her open marriage.

Cho says,

I think honesty is really important. And I plan to be married forever. I love my husband, and I feel that we have to be honest, and I think that, to me, monogamy is not an honest choice for myself. It is for some people, but not for me.

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