Advice on accepting your partner’s new partner

Mistress Matisse, a columnist on kink and poly relationships for Seattle's The Stranger, has some useful advice about dealing with your partner's other partners (POPs) -- especially if they're not your cup of tea. Besides honest communication and "no bad-mouthing," she explains her personal approach:

I do have a strategy around preventing negative feelings from happening in the first place: not too much, not too soon. Yes, it's nice to meet the people your partner is dating. But some polyamory literature strongly suggests spending lots of quality time with your POPs, on the theory that it makes them less emotionally threatening. Phrases like "poly family" -- a Charles Manson-ish term I detest -- are tossed around, implying everyone should want to all hang out together. One gets the impression that poly people are damn-near obligated to welcome new POPs by love-bombing them like a Moonies recruit. I disagree.

. . . Once I'm used to the fact of the new POP, then I get to know him/her just as I would anyone else: slowly, organically, without any assumptions of intimacy. I think feeling that one must immediately like the new person as much as one's partner does is what breeds resentment and then dislike.

Read the rest of the column here.


Pedestrian Polyamory podcast debuts

A new polyamory podcast has hit the internet! Pedestrian Polyamory, hosted by Shira B. Katz and her husband, Gavin Katz, is a Life on the Swingset spin-off that focuses on discussing polyamory in a down-to-earth manner. As they describe it:

We are normal, skeptical, logical and slightly geeky poly folk who have nearly 20 combined years of polyamory under our belt. We're certainly not sages or experts but we aren't novices and we aren't trying to sell you anything. We just want a realistic and normalized viewpoint on polyamory out there because, truly, after all these years polyamory is kind of pedestrian.

In the first episode of Pedestrian Polyamory, Shira interviews Gavin about his views on polyamory, and they discuss topics such as "turning vanillas to polyamory, dealing with a partner who dates more than you, gender inadequacies in online dating, and being an introvert in an extroverted lifestyle."

Pedestrian Polyamory can be found on iTunes and FeedBurner.