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Poly Living 2013 early registration discount!

Oct 292012

Want to attend the 8th annual Poly Living conference at a super discounted rate? The time to purchase tickets is now! The early registration price of $80 is still available, but will increase soon.

The conference will take place February 8th through 10th, 2013, at the Embassy Suites Philadelphia Airport Hotel. It is an event for learning and connecting with others:

Since 2005 when George Marvil hosted the first Poly Living Conference in Philadelphia, it has been the best place to warm up your winter with fun, learning and polyamory community. Whether you are new to polyamory and wanting to find out more, a professional interested in helping clients or an experienced poly person looking to have fun with old friends, Poly Living is a great place to learn, explore and connect with real people.

Workshops will be facilitated by nationally and regionally known presenters, with a range of topics ranging from the serious to the fun. This year’s keynote speaker is Kamala Devi, of Showtime’s Polyamory: Married & Dating, who is also an author, coach, activist, and performance artist. She has been practicing polyamory for 15 years.

Get tickets now before the early registration price disappears!

New poly dating and social networking sites

Oct 252012

OKCupid has been the go-to dating site for some non-monogamous folks over the years, but a new poly-specific dating site might change that.

KōTangle is a global dating site for the ethically non-monogamous created by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá, authors of Sex at Dawn. It’s currently in the alpha phase, but new features and functionality are being added soon. The site will eventually include options for content publishing, events listings, forums, and groups.

Ryan and Jethá explain why they chose to embark on this project:

Traveling around the world talking about Sex at Dawn these past two years, I’ve come to the painful conclusion my audiences were more interested in meeting each other than in watching me give a Power Point presentation about prehistoric sex and monkey balls. Shocking, I know . . . A Sex at Dawn lecture provided an excuse, and a filter, that made it easier for our readers to find each other.

But other than a Sex at Dawn event, where to meet other people who get it? . . . the #1 complaint about our book is that we don’t say anything about how to put these ideas into action. Turns out, a lot of people are looking for a sexy, intelligent community without the sleaze and shame typical of many conventional dating or swingers sites.

Ryan and Jethá have big plans for KōTangle. It will be a safe and respectful, Safe for Work community that sponsors regional events and supports sex-positive initiatives. It will be completely free, save for some optional advanced features. These advanced features, which will include access to special events, will be available to anyone who sets up an account prior to the official launch.

Ryan and Jethá are currently looking for recommendations on contributors to the site, as well as suggestions on how best to feature events.

Meanwhile, a Ning-powered poly social networking site called myPolyplace has also sprung up. There are currently over 150 members, with options for blog posts, forums, groups, events, and media sharing.

Share your family with Family Matters

Oct 222012

The Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance has launched its much-anticipated Family Matters project! Ricci Levy, Woodhull’s Executive Director, announced the launch of the project during her opening remarks at the Sexual Freedom Summit in Washington, DC. The website’s mission statement says it all, and says it beautifully:

Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance’s Family Matters project is dedicated to advancing, respecting and protecting the fundamental human right to family by eliminating discrimination based on family structure and relationship choices. This project will raise public awareness of family diversity through the sharing of stories and research using social media, provide education about human rights at conferences and public events, and facilitate collaboration with other organizations to draft and promote model policies and legislation preventing discrimination based on family form.

Family in 2012 takes many forms. Some families are legally recognized and socially respected. Others are not. All families face challenges and all families matter.

If you would like to share your family for inclusion in the Family Matters project, submit your information on their site.

Pennsylvania appeals court sets legal precedent in custody case

Oct 192012

Last December, a trial was held to determine the custody of two children. The maternal grandparents had filed a petition asking that either they or the mother be awarded primary custody, which led to the father and mother each filing for primary physical custody. At the trial, it became known that the parents had previously engaged in polyamorous relationships. Despite the fact that the children’s’ therapist testified that they were not harmed by this, the judge awarded primary physical custody and sole legal custody to the grandparents.

The mother could not afford filing an appeal, but the father could, and did. Just nine months later, he has won, and the court order was overturned — awarding him full custody of the children.

Nancy Polikoff, a law professor who has worked gay and lesbian family law issues for 35 years, wrote a timeline of the case and how the ruling came to be overturned. It had a lot to do with the appeals court’s view that the judge unfairly penalized the father for his past polyamorous relationships.

The appeals court said the judge interjected “artificial morality concerns” into its determination, something not permitted by the list of factors in the custody statute. Although the trial judge claimed otherwise, the appeals court found that the judge’s “general disfavor of polyamory” played a role in the decision. At the time of the trial the father was no longer in a polyamorous relationship. They appeals court noted that “while ultimately unsuccessful, his former experimentation with that lifestyle did not harm the children and does not currently affect the children negatively.” The appeals court called polyamory “a nontraditional sexual practice,” but considered it analogous to other cases in which a parent’s previous sexual conduct was found irrelevant absent evidence of harm to the child.

Sex figured into this case in another way. The trial court considered the father’s wife’s friendship with a professional dominatrix and her blog post in which she described herself as a “closet poly.” The appeals court found that “the trial court’s preoccupation with these morality issues is improper, particularly where, as here, there is a dearth of evidence to suggest that the sexual practices affected the children at all.”

The good news about this is that the court’s decision will be entered into Pennsylvania case law, making it an official legal precedent in the state.

Want to be in a potential second season of Polyamory: Married & Dating?

Oct 172012

Natalia Garcia (center) and the season 1 quad

Showtime has yet to make a decision on whether they’ll renew Polamory: Married & Dating for a second season, but show creator and director Natalia Garcia is hoping to recruit and interview more poly families just in case. Here is the bulk of her call for interested folks, posted in various places online:

I’m reaching out in hopes of speaking with poly families interested in possibly sharing their story with me. I’m looking for polyamorous families that are charismatic, healthy, active; can be unmarried but practicing poly (don’t all have to live together); bisexuality is welcome in both male and female partners; and are open to sharing all aspects of their love lives. Families in Canada are welcome as well.

As I think you have seen, I am a person of integrity and my intent is to portray polyamorists as loving, mature adults who are capable of carrying on multiple loving relationships in a world that has programmed us for monogamy. I’ve had so many people reach out to me, mono people struggling in their relationships telling me the show changed their lives for the better. Despite what Dr. Drew said, I believe 100% that Polyamory is a sustainable way of living — and I would like to continue the pro-Polyamory conversation in the mainstream.

Alan M. also did an interview with Garcia asking about the show’s performance. Showtime was very happy with the series, she explains, and it did very well, especially for a new series with barely any promotion. She also elaborates on what she’s looking for as she moves forward in finding more families:

I would like to add some parameters of the families I’m looking for: 25 to 50, camera friendly, and open to letting us into the bedroom. All male, all female, V’s — all poly formations are welcome. They should have or try to watch the series to understand what would be expected of them. Also, if people could send a picture when they inquire, that helps me keep track of everyone — and there’s a lot people to keep track of!

Garcia asks that anyone interested email her at natstertv [at] yahoo [dot] com.

Amanda Palmer reveals open relationship

Oct 152012

Amanda Palmer, photo by Kambriel

Musician Amanda Palmer, most well known for being the singer, pianist, and writer in The Dresden Dolls, recently sat down with Out Magazine. The plan was to discuss her fan base, but the conversation — and subsequent article — went a slightly different direction when the interviewer asked Palmer about her relationship and her sexuality.

Palmer, who is legally married to author Neil Gaiman, took the opportunity to share that their relationship is non-monogamous. Considering Palmer’s boisterous personality, she was probably never trying to hide this facet of her relationship, but some recent controversy has prodded her to talk more in-depth about her relationship with both Gaiman and her fans.

I’ve never been comfortable in a monogamous relationship in my life. I feel like I was built for open relationships just because of the way I function. It’s not a reactive decision like, ‘Hey I’m on the road, you’re on the road, let’s just find other people.’ It was a fundamental building block of our relationship. We both like things this way . . . We’re very communicative with each other and we share everything. I think that’s the way you gotta do it . . . Neil and I fall more and more in love with each other every day, and I think part of that is because we encourage each other to say more, share more, to peel ourselves open to each other in the middle of the night when the day is done and the real talking happens. It’s not always easy, the peeling sometimes hurts, but the deep love it fosters is clear to see.

Bringing things back to the original topic of the interview, Palmer explained how her open relationship is informed by her close relationship with her fans:

A strong and intimate relationship with your fanbase really does kind of function like a committed partner relationship. It is the ‘other’ to whom you’re communicating and sharing your life, time and energy, and the thing that can suck your attention — and even your sexual energy — away from your real-life partner. A real relationship with your fanbase is a longterm, committed relationship; I’ve been in a relationship with my fans for 13 years.

Read the whole thing on Out Magazine.

Canada’s The Globe and Mail talks poly

Oct 122012

Canada’s largest national newspaper, The Globe and Mail, came out with an article on polyamory that is surprisingly non-judgmental. Although it doesn’t offer much more than a cursory look at the community, it does a good job of explaining what polyamory is about to those who may have questions.

The article begins by mentioning recent newsworthy poly stuff, such as the three-person civil union in Brazil and the Showtime reality show. It gives some history of the movement, mentions some public figures and books (including Opening Up), and discusses last December’s Supreme Court decision in British Columbia. The author also makes the distinction between polyamory and polygamy.

The crux of the article, though, are the quotes from Natalia Garcia (creator and executive producer of Polyamory: Married & Dating), Elisabeth Sheff (sociologist who has studied polyamorous families for years), an anonymous poly couple, and Kamala Devi (one of the cast members of Polyamory: Married & Dating).

It’s a pretty great introductory article to the world of polaymory as it stands today. Read the whole thing at The Globe and Mail.

More from the cast of Polyamory: Married & Dating

Oct 102012

Showtime’s reality show Polyamory: Married & Dating may have wrapped, but its cast members are continuing to make waves in the community. In the first media frenzy, they were on Dr. Drew and several radio shows. Then, on September 17th, Michael and Kamala (from the show’s quad) appeared on an episode of The Ricki Lake Show.

Additionally, Kamala wrote a post on her website entitled “How a Reality Show Altered My Reality: Top Ten Ways the Polyamory Series Changed my Life!” This part was particularly interesting:

The hardest part of the project was playing myself. My director’s constant guidance was for me to be more real, she encouraged me to stop preaching about authenticity, emotional sensitivity, and honesty and actually start showing it. After being a leader in the polyamory community for so many years, it was hard to step off my soap box and work through my own jealousy, judgements and possessiveness on camera. This work has evolved me from a teacher — to a role model who has to walk her talk.

Plus, Jessica from Modern Poly sat down with Anthony (from the show’s triad) for an excellent and lengthy interview. Jessica asked Anthony about the selection and production process of the show, the show’s impact on mainstream acceptance of polyamory, the reactions from family and the community, and what advice he would give to poly folks considering being filmed for a TV show.

When asked what poly activists and leaders in the poly movement should focus on, he explained:

. . . I too often see polyamory activists — like most activists in most fields I’ve worked in — waste too much time and energy nitpicking each other over what each other’s beliefs or lifestyle does for the movement.

I’ve witnessed this with our show, reading countless comments about how we hurt the community because we have rules that would chafe many poly people, or our having sex on television and not being polyfidelitous gives the unfortunate impression that poly is for the sexually insatiable or is glorified swinging. I’ve heard it all, and I think it’s unhelpful. For one thing, it’s unrealistic to look for the poly family that perfectly represents poly. We’re all as eccentric and different as monogamous people. You undercut the liberating potential of poly[amory] if you make people feel guilty for not subscribing to the politically correct poly profile. When people do a show like ours, celebrate first and foremost the victory of us getting on mainstream tv like that, and that intelligent loving people were chosen, not drama queens.

Read Kamala’s full post and Anthony’s full interview. And stay tuned for more information on a potential second season of Polyamory: Married & Dating!

I talk kink and poly on Poly Weekly podcast

Oct 082012

I was recently a guest on two parts of the Polyamory Weekly podcast!

In the first part, episode #334, I chat with podcast host Cunning Minx about my book, The Ultimate Guide to Kink. I talk about why I decided to write it, why I chose an anthology format, who should read the book, and what I’m hoping they’ll get out of it. We also talk about the different sections of the book — skills/techniques and fantasies/fetishes — and what each one offers to the reader.

The second part, episode #335, is an advice segment in which I answer listener questions about poly and kink. Here’s what was asked:

Ian asks: please explain the multi-partner dynamic as it exists in the kink world, and how it is different (or similar) to the poly. (There are many polys who are not kinky, many kinky who are not poly, and many many monogamous people who are kinky and have issues participating in the kink community.)
Emma asks: I’ve been asked to do scenes with people who are “sexually monogamous” with their partners. Lots of conversation about what activities count as sex ensues, but I’m still nervous to play with monogamous people. What if something is improvised in the moment and crosses that line? What if something feels sexual to me but not to them?
Herb asks: Have you actually seen or heard of a fetish that surprised you?
James asks: What if someone wants to try something scary (breath play) but is worried about past sexual abuse issues it could bring up?

Listen to both episodes here and here, browse the past archives here, and follow Polyamory Weekly on their site and Facebook!

In-depth guide to poly dating on OKCupid

Oct 012012

If you’re non-monogamous and want to meet people on dating sites, you can face some unique challenges. Luckily, blogger Kit O’Connell (along with co-blogger Molly Rene) has written a very comprehensive guide on how to utilize OKCupid for poly dating. The guide is broken down into seven sections:

OKCupid’s match questions are particularly useful for finding poly folks, as O’Connell explains:

Though I am a skeptic about personality tests in general, the breadth of the question database means that the site really can make a lot of educated guesses about you. Now that I’ve answered many questions, polyamorous and kinky people show up by the dozens in my top matches, usually ranking 90% or higher in match compatibility.

Polyana at Polytical has also written a post about her experience with OKCupid. She has found it to be a great resource.

I joined OKCupid to build my own poly-friendly community, and I have not been disappointed. It was where I first became sure that, yes, polyamorous people do exist, and they are perfectly normal. I found plenty of nice and friendly people, happy to connect and generous to share ideas and experiences. I got advice on relationship issues, information about meetings and events, new contacts, book and film recommendations, I have even got some guidance on DIY work. In the meantime, I have been building some nice friendships with people all over the world.

Although OKCupid is not a poly-focused site, the consensus seems to be that its intuitive personality matching system and its large pool of open-minded users make it one of the best dating sites out there.

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