A journalist for an international, reputable publication wants to write an intimate, thoughtful longform piece that follows a married couple as they start the process of opening up their marriage to ethical nonmonogamy. Ideally, this couple is in engaging in couples therapy as they navigate this new phase of their marriage; those conversations, recounted or recalled, would provide structure for the story and a way of clearly translating the complexity of the thought process of the couple. The couple could remain unidentifiable; ideally, the therapist would use his or her name, although that could possibly be discussed as well. This article would seek not to sensationalize this phase of the marriage, but explore it as an increasingly logical, even possibly conventional option, in a world in which the traditional family has already been reconceived and marriage itself has expanded its definitions. The piece, which could be part of a larger cultural reframing, has potential for high impact. If you're interested, please email asktristan [at] gmail.com and I'll connect you with the journalist.
Participants needed for Qualitative Study
Vanilla and Kink: Married Couples in Which One Partner Identifies as a Part of the BDSM Culture and the Other Partner Does Not.
Looking for a legally married couple:
- At least 18 years of age
- Married for at least 1 year (including open-marriage and other variations)
- Male and female partnered marriage
- Speak and write English language fluently
- One partner self-identifying as a part of the BDSM culture/community for at least 1 year and the other partner self-identifying as not specifically BDSM (including vanilla, kinky but not identifying as BDSM, etc. )
- Not currently pregnant or experiencing psychosis or suicidal ideation
Due to the limited time and resources, this particular study focuses the above specific population. Future research will include a variety of types of committed relationships, sexual orientations, etc.
For questions or interest in participation, contact:
Catherine Meyer, MA, LMFT #88224, Cmeyer2 [at] alliant.edu
Supervised by Hao-Min Chen, Ph.D., Hmchen [at] alliant.edu
Goal of this study is to understand how married couples communicate and negotiate the rules, roles, and expectations about their sexual relationship when one partner identifies with the BDSM culture and the other does not.
All identifying information will be kept confidential.
I’m currently seeking 20 female and male individuals who are interested in speaking about their experiences of being in a marriage in which one partner identifies being in the BDSM culture and the other does not. The interviews are part of a doctoral dissertation study (entitled Vanilla and Kink: Married Couples in Which One Partner Identifies as a Part of the BDSM Culture and the Other Partner Does Not?) which is required to fulfill the requirements for the doctoral degree of the Couple Family Therapy Program at Alliant International University, Irvine campus. The project supervisor for this study is Hao-Min Chen, Ph.D. The study is interested in learning about and understanding how married couples communicate and negotiate the rules, roles, and expectations about their sexual relationship when one partner identifies with the BDSM culture and the other does not. Criteria for participation includes the following: at least 18 years of age, male and female partnered marriage, ability to speak and write the English language fluently, self-report being a part of the BDSM community for at least 1 year, be in a marriage for at least 1 year (inclusive of open-marriage), and not currently pregnant or experiencing psychosis or suicidal ideation. Interested individuals will be asked to fill out a short demographic questionnaire (about 5 minutes to complete) and participate in an interview, which will last approximately 60-90 minutes. Please note that participation in the study is voluntary. If you choose to participant in the study, I will be removing your name and any other identifying information from the final document to conceal your identity. If you are interested in being interviewed for the study and/or would like more information, then please contact me by email or phone so we can discuss, in more detail, the purpose and the process of the study. —Catherine Meyer, MA, LMFT
How do people create nontraditional partnerships that are loving and fulfilling? There are few established scripts or visible role models for open relationships, so people in them can often struggle without support and guidance. In this four hour intensive program, sex and relationship educator Tristan Taormino shares some of the key principles that can help your open relationships succeed. She will review some of the most common styles of open relationships, from partnered nonmonogamy to solo polyamory, and discuss how to customize them to meet your individual needs and wants. She will share wisdom from the over 100 people she interviewed and profiled in her bestselling book Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships.
The workshop will address common issues and problems including:
- New relationship energy
- Time management
- Sexual and emotional safety
- Boundary setting
- Agreement violations
- Coping with change
Through creative exercises, you’ll discover how to unpack all the different elements of jealousy and identify what triggers your jealousy and how it manifests for you; learn to develop coping strategies and find access points to the practice of compersion.
Learn how to tackle challenges including:
- Communicating about highly-charged topics
- Conflict resolution skills
- The art of re-negotiation
- Roadblocks to fulfillment
- Confronting fear
Whether you’re a newcomer or veteran to the world beyond monogamy, come discover strategies to help you nurture and grow your open relationships. Open to people in all kinds of relationship configurations as well as solos and singles of all genders and sexual orientations. Seating is limited and pre-registration is strongly encouraged.
Date and Time: Sunday, November 15, 2015, 1:00-5:00 pm
Location: The Stockroom, 2809 1/2 Sunset Boulevard Los Angeles, CA 90026.
Admission: Register at Eventbrite. Open to people in all kinds of relationship configurations as well as solos and singles of all genders and sexual orientations. Seating is limited and pre-registration is strongly encouraged.
Early Bird (through October 15) $75
VIP $125: priority seating, personalized signed copy of Opening Up, gift bag
VIP + Dinner $200: priority seating, personalized signed copy of Opening Up, autographed DVD, luxury gift bag, dinner with Tristan after the workshop
This Friday on November 21st at 8 pm ET / 5 pm PT, I will be live on Sex Out Loud radio with Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert, the co-authors of the new book, More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory, a hands-on toolkit for having happy, successful polyamorous relationships. They discuss their new book as well as their latest project, Thorntree Press, a new, independent publishing company with a focus on rational, evidence-based approaches to sex and relationships, as well as sharing real-life stories. They'll also answer listener questions about navigating non-traditional relationships.
This week's show is LIVE so call in with questions and comments at 1-866-472-5788, join the discussion on Facebook or Twitter, or e-mail me via tristan(at)puckerup.com and I'll read them live on the air. Tune in to Sex Out Loud every Friday, you can listen along on your computer, tablet, or phone, find all the ways at SexOutLoudRadio.com!
Franklin Veaux is the co-author of the groundbreaking new book More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory, and the author of the top-ranked polyamory site on the Web, morethantwo.com. He is also the creator of Onyx: The Game of Sexual Exploration, maintains the sites xeromag.com and symtoys.com, which include extensive writings about BDSM, publishes erotic fiction under the pen name William Vitelli, and is the co-founder of the publishing company Thorntree Press and the sex toy R&D company Tacit Pleasures. Franklin started practicing non-monogamy from the moment he started becoming aware that boys and girls are different. He started writing about it in 1998. Over the decades, he's made just about every mistake it’s possible to make in polyamorous relationships. Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from poor judgment. Today, he has five partners, lives in Portland, Oregon, and spends a great deal of time writing about everything from relationship ethics to transhumanism to computer security.
Eve Rickert is a professional writer, editor and mastermind, and the co-author of the the new book More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory. Until taking time off from life to write the book and go on a book tour, she co-organized a group for poly women in Vancouver, Canada, and she blogs at the More Than Two website. She owns a science communications firm in Vancouver, Canada, called Talk Science to Me, and she is the co-founder of the publishing company Thorntree Press and the smart sex toy R&D company Tacit Pleasures. Eve has been living poly since 2008, though her poly roots go back much deeper. Her approach to poly has changed radically over the years: from early experiences in high school, to first hearing the word “polyamory” in 1998, to first swingers’ party in 2006, to her current three long-term relationships. And being poly has radically changed her. She's made a lot of mistakes and learned a lot of hard lessons. She co-wrote More Than Two to share those experiences with anyone who is struggling to maintain ethical multiple relationships with integrity, compassion and courage.