Tristan Taormino – Page 12

Amanda Palmer reveals open relationship

Musician Amanda Palmer, most well known for being the singer, pianist, and writer in The Dresden Dolls, recently sat down with Out Magazine. The plan was to discuss her fan base, but the conversation -- and subsequent article -- went a slightly different direction when the interviewer asked Palmer about her relationship and her sexuality.

Palmer, who is legally married to author Neil Gaiman, took the opportunity to share that their relationship is non-monogamous. Considering Palmer's boisterous personality, she was probably never trying to hide this facet of her relationship, but some recent controversy has prodded her to talk more in-depth about her relationship with both Gaiman and her fans.

I've never been comfortable in a monogamous relationship in my life. I feel like I was built for open relationships just because of the way I function. It's not a reactive decision like, 'Hey I'm on the road, you're on the road, let's just find other people.' It was a fundamental building block of our relationship. We both like things this way . . . We're very communicative with each other and we share everything. I think that's the way you gotta do it . . . Neil and I fall more and more in love with each other every day, and I think part of that is because we encourage each other to say more, share more, to peel ourselves open to each other in the middle of the night when the day is done and the real talking happens. It's not always easy, the peeling sometimes hurts, but the deep love it fosters is clear to see.

Bringing things back to the original topic of the interview, Palmer explained how her open relationship is informed by her close relationship with her fans:

A strong and intimate relationship with your fanbase really does kind of function like a committed partner relationship. It is the 'other' to whom you're communicating and sharing your life, time and energy, and the thing that can suck your attention -- and even your sexual energy -- away from your real-life partner. A real relationship with your fanbase is a longterm, committed relationship; I've been in a relationship with my fans for 13 years.

Read the whole thing on Out Magazine.

Canada’s The Globe and Mail talks poly

Canada's largest national newspaper, The Globe and Mail, came out with an article on polyamory that is surprisingly non-judgmental. Although it doesn't offer much more than a cursory look at the community, it does a good job of explaining what polyamory is about to those who may have questions.

The article begins by mentioning recent newsworthy poly stuff, such as the three-person civil union in Brazil and the Showtime reality show. It gives some history of the movement, mentions some public figures and books (including Opening Up), and discusses last December's Supreme Court decision in British Columbia. The author also makes the distinction between polyamory and polygamy.

The crux of the article, though, are the quotes from Natalia Garcia (creator and executive producer of Polyamory: Married & Dating), Elisabeth Sheff (sociologist who has studied polyamorous families for years), an anonymous poly couple, and Kamala Devi (one of the cast members of Polyamory: Married & Dating).

It's a pretty great introductory article to the world of polaymory as it stands today. Read the whole thing at The Globe and Mail.

More from the cast of Polyamory: Married & Dating

Showtime's reality show Polyamory: Married & Dating may have wrapped, but its cast members are continuing to make waves in the community. In the first media frenzy, they were on Dr. Drew and several radio shows. Then, on September 17th, Michael and Kamala (from the show's quad) appeared on an episode of The Ricki Lake Show.

Additionally, Kamala wrote a post on her website entitled "How a Reality Show Altered My Reality: Top Ten Ways the Polyamory Series Changed my Life!" This part was particularly interesting:

The hardest part of the project was playing myself. My director’s constant guidance was for me to be more real, she encouraged me to stop preaching about authenticity, emotional sensitivity, and honesty and actually start showing it. After being a leader in the polyamory community for so many years, it was hard to step off my soap box and work through my own jealousy, judgements and possessiveness on camera. This work has evolved me from a teacher -- to a role model who has to walk her talk.

Plus, Jessica from Modern Poly sat down with Anthony (from the show's triad) for an excellent and lengthy interview. Jessica asked Anthony about the selection and production process of the show, the show's impact on mainstream acceptance of polyamory, the reactions from family and the community, and what advice he would give to poly folks considering being filmed for a TV show.

When asked what poly activists and leaders in the poly movement should focus on, he explained:

. . . I too often see polyamory activists -- like most activists in most fields I've worked in -- waste too much time and energy nitpicking each other over what each other's beliefs or lifestyle does for the movement.

I've witnessed this with our show, reading countless comments about how we hurt the community because we have rules that would chafe many poly people, or our having sex on television and not being polyfidelitous gives the unfortunate impression that poly is for the sexually insatiable or is glorified swinging. I've heard it all, and I think it's unhelpful. For one thing, it's unrealistic to look for the poly family that perfectly represents poly. We're all as eccentric and different as monogamous people. You undercut the liberating potential of poly[amory] if you make people feel guilty for not subscribing to the politically correct poly profile. When people do a show like ours, celebrate first and foremost the victory of us getting on mainstream tv like that, and that intelligent loving people were chosen, not drama queens.

Read Kamala's full post and Anthony's full interview. And stay tuned for more information on a potential second season of Polyamory: Married & Dating!

I talk kink and poly on Poly Weekly podcast

I was recently a guest on two parts of the Polyamory Weekly podcast!

In the first part, episode #334, I chat with podcast host Cunning Minx about my book, The Ultimate Guide to Kink. I talk about why I decided to write it, why I chose an anthology format, who should read the book, and what I'm hoping they'll get out of it. We also talk about the different sections of the book -- skills/techniques and fantasies/fetishes -- and what each one offers to the reader.

The second part, episode #335, is an advice segment in which I answer listener questions about poly and kink. Here's what was asked:

Ian asks: please explain the multi-partner dynamic as it exists in the kink world, and how it is different (or similar) to the poly. (There are many polys who are not kinky, many kinky who are not poly, and many many monogamous people who are kinky and have issues participating in the kink community.)
Emma asks: I’ve been asked to do scenes with people who are "sexually monogamous" with their partners. Lots of conversation about what activities count as sex ensues, but I'm still nervous to play with monogamous people. What if something is improvised in the moment and crosses that line? What if something feels sexual to me but not to them?
Herb asks: Have you actually seen or heard of a fetish that surprised you?
James asks: What if someone wants to try something scary (breath play) but is worried about past sexual abuse issues it could bring up?

Listen to both episodes here and here, browse the past archives here, and follow Polyamory Weekly on their site and Facebook!