Author: Tristan Taormino

Polyamory in Winnipeg, Manitoba

An article on poly relationships was published on the front page of the E section in Manitoba's oldest newspaper, the Winnipeg Free Press. The piece profiles Michelle and Michael, a rural Manitoba married couple who accepted a third partner into their lives when Michelle fell in love with a friend named Liam.

Her feelings for Liam did not negate, trump or interfere with her love for her husband -- which has only deepened and grown for their ability to stay together through the whole experience, Michelle says.

"What I had to learn through this whole process is that fidelity does not have to be defined through exclusivity, she says.

"Polyamoury provided me with a context to make sense of my feelings for both (men), understanding that just as a parent can have deep and equal love for more than one child, so can an adult have deep and equal love for more than one partner."

The article also features interviews with Anlina Sheng, a poly activist and moderator at PolyWinnipeg, and John Ince, a Vancouver lawyer and spokesman for the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association. There is also a nifty sidebar with quotes and poly terminology.

Take the polyamory and marriage survey

The media and academics always want to know how polyamorous people feel about marriage, but no research has been done on the subject. In the interest of learning more, Loving More has sponsored a polyamory and marriage survey, and they are hoping you will participate.

The survey was designed by Curt Bergstrand, Ph.D. (associate professor of sociology at Bellarmine University and co-author of Swinging In America: Sex, Love, and Marriage in the 21st Century) and Jim Fleckenstein (poly activist and researcher, co-founder of the the Chesapeake Polyamory Network). The aim of the research is described as follows:

This survey is the beginning of an ongoing research effort to gain information about the community of individuals who engage in consensual, non-exclusive intimate relationships, or who are philosophically open to doing so, regardless of their current relationship configuration. We undertake this effort in order better to understand this community, its beliefs, practices, and desires, and it's position within the larger mosaic of humanity.

With knowledge comes the ability to better serve this community, to better represent its interests in the public discourse, and to foster understanding, acceptance and non-discrimination in the wider world.

The survey is fairly brief and all responses will be kept confidential. No individually identifying information will be collected.

Take the survey here.

Poly folks on local news TV

People in poly relationships have been getting some local TV attention lately. One segment aired on WJLA Channel 7 in Washington DC. The 2 1/2-minute video segment highlights married couple Anita and Tim Illig and Michael Rios and his girlfriends Jonica Hunter and Sarah Taub (pictured), with some blips from a psychotherapist as well.

Another segment aired around Valentine's Day on WVEC TV-13 in the Hampton Roads area of Virginia. This video segment is about 3 1/2 minutes long and profiles two couples. The interviewees explain how polyamory is different from swinging, how important honest communication is, and how poly people are just as ordinary as monogamous people.

After a brain injury, a non-traditional arrangement

Never is the word "polyamory" mentioned, but this extremely touching article from The Washington Post chronicles a unique situation that has echoes of non-monogamy. Page and Robert Melton had been married for eight years when, in 2003, Robert suffered from a heart attack and collapse that left him with a serious brain injury. Robert, who had previously worked as an editor and reporter for The Washington Post, suffered from profound cognitive loss.

Robert eventually came to understand who his family was, but he was moved into an assisted living facility. In the years that followed, Page busied herself with her full-time job as a government-affairs consultant and her work as an advocate for brain-injury and caregiver groups. Page had never considered entering a new relationship, but that changed in 2008 when she reconnected with an old classmate, Allan D. Ivie IV. From the start, this was not a traditional relationship.

[Allan] realized that the only way their relationship could develop was if it included Robert. As he started falling in love with Page, he said to her: "I see this responsibility that you have, and I want to help you with it. I understand this is a package deal."

"That's what triggered the relationship," Page says. "He understood that Robert was central to our lives, that we needed to take care of him."

Allan proposed to Page in June of 2010. When Page nervously brought the news to Robert, he replied, "You should marry him. He's a good guy." Allan and Page decided that they would move the family to Allan's home city of St. Louis -- and Robert would come with them.

Page formally divorced Robert while remaining his legal guardian. Then she married Allan in a heartfelt ceremony:

As Allan held Page's hands, he promised to always love her and her daughters. He turned to Hope and Nell, who were their mom's attendants, and smiled. Then he looked back at Page: "And I promise to always help you provide compassionate care for Robert."

Today, Robert is settled into an assisted living facility in St. Louis, where Page visits him several times a week. Allan writes him daily emails and takes him to breakfast every Wednesday.

"In a way, I feel married to Robert forever," [Page] said . . . "It's not a traditional marriage. It's not the marriage we signed up for. But I feel like there's a connection there that never ends."

. . . Robert has grasped the essence of their relationship better than any of them. He understands, she says, "that it's not the legal arrangement, it's the emotional arrangement, that emotional commitment."

Read the full story on The Washington Post.