Author: Tristan Taormino

Home for the holidays — with multiple partners

Sierra Black, a poly woman who has been on 20/20 and writes articles on non-monogamy, has penned a new and useful piece called "How To Bring Your Boyfriend Home For The Holidays -- When You're Polyamorous."

Black has previously opted not to bring a boyfriend to Thanksgiving in order to keep the peace, but she has some excellent pointers for those wanting to share their multiple partners with the family:

Above all, remember that you're going to a lot of effort to spend time with these people -- all these people, your parents and your partners -- because you love them. You want them to connect with each other. Look for the comfort zone between your partners and your parents, just as you would with one partner. Don't expect them to fit perfectly together, but find the points of overlap and focus on those. Does everyone love Chinese food? Maybe skip the traditional meal and order take-out. Universal fondness for board games? Bring some and cut the conversation short in favor of a few rounds of Dixit.

Read the rest at the Huffington Post. (Polyamory Weekly also did a podcast last year on this topic.)

Non-monogamous? Take this online survey

Four researchers are looking for participants in an online survey for non-monogamous and potentially non-monogamous folks. The survey explains:

This survey is the beginning of an ongoing research effort to gain information about the community of individuals who engage in consensual, nonexclusive intimate relationships, or who are philosophically open to doing so, regardless of their current relationship configuration. We undertake this effort in order to better understand this community, its beliefs, practices, and desires, as well as its position within the larger mosaic of humanity.

With knowledge comes the ability to better serve this community, to better represent its interests in the public discourse, and to foster understanding, acceptance and nondiscrimination in the broader sphere. We deeply appreciate your willingness to share your information in furtherance of this important pursuit.

The results of this survey will be used by the researchers to write and publish academic articles and dissertations, in the hope of raising awareness in the scientific community about non-monogamy. One researcher is also writing a book.

The survey should take 35 to 60 minutes to complete, and researchers ask that you answer the questions in one sitting. Answers will remain confidential, with no individually identifying information collected. Take the survey here.

You can follow the progress of the study on its Facebook page.

Help crowdfund a Poly Guide to Pregnancy

Jessica Burde of Polyamory on Purpose is in the midst of an IndieGoGo campaign to fund a book she's writing, the Polyamory on Purpose Guide to Pregnancy, which she plans to release in mid-March. With almost 10 years of polyamory and some pregnancies under her belt, she is uniquely qualified to dispense advice on the subject. And the subject is in dire need of an in-depth guide. Burde explains,

Pregnancy is a big deal for anyone, but there is a whole cultural and medical template to see monogamous couples through the challenges it creates. For poly-folk, pregnancy creates many challenges that monogamous couples never need to confront, from the unexpected pregnancy when you can't be sure who the bio-father is, to deciding if everyone in your polycule will be raising the child together. There are legal hoops, medical hassles, and relationship issues challenges every polycule will need to confront when someone in the polycule becomes pregnant.

. . . I want to create the guide that I wish I'd had during my pregnancies. I want to create a something that is a concise and complete guide to pregnancy in a polyamorous relationship, so that the information is out there for future poly-parents.

The funds gathered during the IndieGoGo campaign will pay for an editor and publishing expenses. This is a flexible funding campaign, so Burde will receive all money contributed by Monday, December 10th at 11:59 p.m. Pacific, even if it falls short of her $700 goal.

Contributor perks include a copy of the ebook, a signed paperback copy of the book, mentions in the book's acknowledgements, and a subscription to all future Polyamory on Purpose guides.

Burde asks that if you don't have the financial means to contribute, help spread the word about the campaign via social media, poly forums, and local meet-ups. If you do have the means, contribute now!

Poly-friendly book suggestions for kids

How does one find childrens' books and media that do not follow the stereotype of "happily ever after" monogamy? Technogeisha wrote a post at Life on the Swingset about her struggle educating her children about alternative relationship models:

We have been trying to keep the standard narrative driven drivel to a minimum since the birth of our first. It was easier in the early years then the real challenge began in preschool. The other little girls had been fed a non-stop diet of "Someday my prince will come." which our daughter decided to embrace wholeheartedly. A couple of years later a similar thing would happen to our son.

Once they entered school, gender roles were assigned and adhered to. So was the notion of dyadic relationships with the inevitable "first comes love, then comes marriage, the comes the baby in the baby carriage."  It wasn't enough to tell them this wasn't the only option in life. I needed backup. I needed to come up with resources that go against the standard narrative and offer positive views on non-traditional families and relationships. It was difficult to find but I found a few alternatives.

Although it can be hard to find books, TV shows, and movies featuring non-traditional (and especially non-monogamous) families, Technogeisha rounds up some great suggestions. She first recommends books focused on LGBT families, then lists a few with subtle poly themes, such as Else-Marie and Her Seven Little Daddies, Six Dinner Sid, and the story "The Little House That Ran Away from Home" from Strange Stories for Strange Kids.

She also mentions some books for young adult readers, books with themes of self-acceptance and favoritism, and a few movies and TV shows.

Read the whole post at Life on the Swingset.