Month: April 2012

Cunning Minx gives a poly run-down

UK sex toy shop Vibrations Direct invited Cunning Minx to write about her experience being poly on their blog. Her article covers a lot of ground, from poly relationship dynamics to her podcast (Polyamory Weekly) to what she loves about being poly:

What I love about being poly and part of the community is the sacredness of diversity. There is a lot of tolerance of weirdness and quirks and I love that, being a quirky person myself. I also love the sex-positivism. Poly people are not shy when talking about sex, sexual preferences and sexual acts in a frank and upfront manner. I love that I can ask a new partner to tell me his fantasies, and he will, without stuttering or shame. Lastly, I'm a big fan of the communication -- turns me on. I really do get excited about someone with great communication skills, even more so than about someone with broad shoulders or a big cock.

She also relays her favorite sex toys of the moment and, at the end of the article, includes a list of tips for those new to polyamory. Check it out.

How do you manage attachment?

Non-monogamous sex educator Charlie Glickman is in the process of prepping a workshop for OpenSF (a poly, open, and non-monogamous conference which takes place June 8-10 in San Francisco) called "Sex, Shame, & Love." In the interest of including an array of experiences in his presentation, he is looking for your input. Here's what he's looking for:

In my view, love is the emotion that both fosters and results from closer connection, while shame both creates and comes from disconnection. If we're going to build our skills at seeking the ever-shifting balances in our relationships, we need to be able to encompass both sides. So in this workshop, we're going to explore how people juggle that. How do we make room for connection and room for creating distance? How do we maintain a relationship with the resilience needed to allow for other romantic/sexual/loving partners? What do we do to manage different relationships with different levels of closeness and connection? What can we do to make room for the feelings that arise (and often challenge us) around both connection and disconnection? What tools do people use for these processes?

. . . I'm curious to know how you make it work. What do you do to make room for those different dynamics? What do you do to manage them? For example, some people don't do sleepovers with secondary partners, or reserve certain sexual activities for a primary, because they find that that helps them maintain a different bond with their primary partner.

To contribute your voice, comment on Glickman's post or send him a confidential message through his contact form.

Poly takes the stage on The Good Men Project

Recently, there has been an explosion of articles about poly and non-monogamy posted on The Good Men Project, a website dedicated to examining men's roles in modern life.

One article about non-monogamy was posted back in December, but there was a call for submissions that resulted in a good many more articles. Many of them have been posted in their polyamory section, but here's a list of the best ones, with short snippets from each.

Polyamory, Fidelity and Faithfulness

The more honest you are with your lover about what you want from them, the more opportunities they will have to hurt you, but the more faithful to you it is possible for them to be.

The Poly Closet

. . . it often makes people uncomfortable when I come out as poly -- revealing that I am not only capable of romantically loving more than one person, but I am doing so comfortably . . .

Bi Polyamory: Calling a Spade a Spade

Polyamory . . . is the recognition that there is no such thing as an 'affair,' 'hook up,' 'mistress,' 'Fuck Buddy' or a 'Friends with Benefits' but rather that such really IS a true relationship and that such labels are only the boundaries (positive or negative) that one chooses to practice it in.

Monogamy Isn't For Everyone; Polyamory Isn't Going to Ruin the World

I think it is important to set a discourse in motion that recognizes polyamory as a legitimate relational style, and that allows people to begin thinking differently about the variety of ways in which people can relate.

Polyamory: Rebooting Our Definitions of Love and Family

I do long for a world in which we can see the value and possibility of many different ways of forming relationships, and in which we can each freely form our own decisions about the kind of family we’d like to create.

Polyamory Is Pro-Family

We suspected that having multiple adults around to care for an infant would be great, but I don't think any of us had any idea just how great it would be.