Open Relationships – Page 12

More from the cast of Polyamory: Married & Dating

Showtime's reality show Polyamory: Married & Dating may have wrapped, but its cast members are continuing to make waves in the community. In the first media frenzy, they were on Dr. Drew and several radio shows. Then, on September 17th, Michael and Kamala (from the show's quad) appeared on an episode of The Ricki Lake Show.

Additionally, Kamala wrote a post on her website entitled "How a Reality Show Altered My Reality: Top Ten Ways the Polyamory Series Changed my Life!" This part was particularly interesting:

The hardest part of the project was playing myself. My director’s constant guidance was for me to be more real, she encouraged me to stop preaching about authenticity, emotional sensitivity, and honesty and actually start showing it. After being a leader in the polyamory community for so many years, it was hard to step off my soap box and work through my own jealousy, judgements and possessiveness on camera. This work has evolved me from a teacher -- to a role model who has to walk her talk.

Plus, Jessica from Modern Poly sat down with Anthony (from the show's triad) for an excellent and lengthy interview. Jessica asked Anthony about the selection and production process of the show, the show's impact on mainstream acceptance of polyamory, the reactions from family and the community, and what advice he would give to poly folks considering being filmed for a TV show.

When asked what poly activists and leaders in the poly movement should focus on, he explained:

. . . I too often see polyamory activists -- like most activists in most fields I've worked in -- waste too much time and energy nitpicking each other over what each other's beliefs or lifestyle does for the movement.

I've witnessed this with our show, reading countless comments about how we hurt the community because we have rules that would chafe many poly people, or our having sex on television and not being polyfidelitous gives the unfortunate impression that poly is for the sexually insatiable or is glorified swinging. I've heard it all, and I think it's unhelpful. For one thing, it's unrealistic to look for the poly family that perfectly represents poly. We're all as eccentric and different as monogamous people. You undercut the liberating potential of poly[amory] if you make people feel guilty for not subscribing to the politically correct poly profile. When people do a show like ours, celebrate first and foremost the victory of us getting on mainstream tv like that, and that intelligent loving people were chosen, not drama queens.

Read Kamala's full post and Anthony's full interview. And stay tuned for more information on a potential second season of Polyamory: Married & Dating!

I talk kink and poly on Poly Weekly podcast

I was recently a guest on two parts of the Polyamory Weekly podcast!

In the first part, episode #334, I chat with podcast host Cunning Minx about my book, The Ultimate Guide to Kink. I talk about why I decided to write it, why I chose an anthology format, who should read the book, and what I'm hoping they'll get out of it. We also talk about the different sections of the book -- skills/techniques and fantasies/fetishes -- and what each one offers to the reader.

The second part, episode #335, is an advice segment in which I answer listener questions about poly and kink. Here's what was asked:

Ian asks: please explain the multi-partner dynamic as it exists in the kink world, and how it is different (or similar) to the poly. (There are many polys who are not kinky, many kinky who are not poly, and many many monogamous people who are kinky and have issues participating in the kink community.)
Emma asks: I’ve been asked to do scenes with people who are "sexually monogamous" with their partners. Lots of conversation about what activities count as sex ensues, but I'm still nervous to play with monogamous people. What if something is improvised in the moment and crosses that line? What if something feels sexual to me but not to them?
Herb asks: Have you actually seen or heard of a fetish that surprised you?
James asks: What if someone wants to try something scary (breath play) but is worried about past sexual abuse issues it could bring up?

Listen to both episodes here and here, browse the past archives here, and follow Polyamory Weekly on their site and Facebook!

In-depth guide to poly dating on OKCupid

If you're non-monogamous and want to meet people on dating sites, you can face some unique challenges. Luckily, blogger Kit O'Connell (along with co-blogger Molly Rene) has written a very comprehensive guide on how to utilize OKCupid for poly dating. The guide is broken down into seven sections:

OKCupid's match questions are particularly useful for finding poly folks, as O'Connell explains:

Though I am a skeptic about personality tests in general, the breadth of the question database means that the site really can make a lot of educated guesses about you. Now that I've answered many questions, polyamorous and kinky people show up by the dozens in my top matches, usually ranking 90% or higher in match compatibility.

Polyana at Polytical has also written a post about her experience with OKCupid. She has found it to be a great resource.

I joined OKCupid to build my own poly-friendly community, and I have not been disappointed. It was where I first became sure that, yes, polyamorous people do exist, and they are perfectly normal. I found plenty of nice and friendly people, happy to connect and generous to share ideas and experiences. I got advice on relationship issues, information about meetings and events, new contacts, book and film recommendations, I have even got some guidance on DIY work. In the meantime, I have been building some nice friendships with people all over the world.

Although OKCupid is not a poly-focused site, the consensus seems to be that its intuitive personality matching system and its large pool of open-minded users make it one of the best dating sites out there.

A birth story from a polyamorous quad

Offbeat Mama is a site that celebrates non-traditional families and parenting, but even still, it is pretty remarkable that they included a birth story from a man in a polyamorous quad. More than anything else, it is a moving story from the perspective of an awestruck partner. But there are a few moments where the particulars of being poly do shine through:

The next few hours were a blur. Aimee's contractions were almost non-stop at this point. Barbara and Aimee would harmonize through her contractions, and eventually we all took it up, taking turns being her physical and emotional support.

. . . Aimee started pushing at 3:58pm. Ian supported her upper body, Mich and I stood on both sides. The nurses faded into the background. Barbara helped with ice, but from here on out, our family was pretty much running the show. With each contraction, Aimee pushed, with very little coaching or encouragement. More fluid came out, more harmonizing happened.

. . . Our son entered into this world, caught safely in the hands of his father and his little mother together, while his Dad-E held his mother safe and strong. Afterward her three partners milled about in stunned pleasure, alternating between taking pictures and stares of pleased bewilderment. And lots of hugs and tears.

Unlike most articles posted on non-poly-focused sites, the comments section is full of folks praising the story and the family. There is even some discussion of poly-specific parenting and birthing concerns. Check it out!