Category: Polyamory

Stumbling upon polyfidelity in the South

Among many comments on a blog post called "If no one's being hurt, God's okay with your sexuality," gay Christian author John Shore found one that really intrigued him. It was from a woman in a relationship with two people -- thanking him for mentioning polyamory in his post. She wrote, "I didn't even know what that was, until I was in it." He responded by asking to interview her, and the interview was posted on the Huffington Post.

The three-person relationship came together slowly, the woman explains. She had just escaped an abusive marriage when she began spending even more time with her best friend and her best friend's husband. Falling in love as a triad was never on their radars, and they were all raised to believe that romantic love was a two-person deal. But the three realized they had feelings for each other, and after much discussion, they decided to enter into a relationship together.

Now they live together as a blended, polyfidelitous family with eight children. Unfortunately, they live in an extremely conservative, deeply religious, and considerably homophobic part of the South, where they stay in the closet to avoid discrimination. The woman explains the tough situation this way:

I love our life together. I love our big, happy home. But I do not love the fact that I live in a community that would rather me live as a struggling single mom to four children than to have the support of two adults who love me dearly as a life partner. The fact that my community would believe wholeheartedly that my sexual relationship with my abusive ex-husband was righteous but that my sexual relationship with two committed life partners (if they knew about it) is unrighteous, just seems so hypocritical.

Be sure to read the whole interview on the Huffington Post.

A black feminist queer dyke becomes poly

ELIXHER is a website that publishes thought-provoking content relevant to the black queer community and experience. Ashley Young, a black feminist queer dyke, poet, writer, and teaching artist, wrote a wonderful piece about her experience discovering and embracing polyamory.

Young recounts how she first met her partner, Sara, in college. Sara was poly but Young was not, so Sara put her non-monogamous nature on hold until Young was ready to delve into it. After some road bumps, the couple came to a satisfying polyamorous arrangement.

But what makes our relationship special is the fact that we are more than just partners -- we are best friends, lovers, sister girls, queer buddies, playmates, road dogs, femme bitches and the list goes on. Being able to explore relationships with other people helps our relationship grow. We share stories of other lovers as sister girls, flirt with men, women and gender variant folks as queer buddies and encourage each other’s sexual adventures as best friends.

Read the whole thing at ELIXHER.

Cunning Minx gives a poly run-down

UK sex toy shop Vibrations Direct invited Cunning Minx to write about her experience being poly on their blog. Her article covers a lot of ground, from poly relationship dynamics to her podcast (Polyamory Weekly) to what she loves about being poly:

What I love about being poly and part of the community is the sacredness of diversity. There is a lot of tolerance of weirdness and quirks and I love that, being a quirky person myself. I also love the sex-positivism. Poly people are not shy when talking about sex, sexual preferences and sexual acts in a frank and upfront manner. I love that I can ask a new partner to tell me his fantasies, and he will, without stuttering or shame. Lastly, I'm a big fan of the communication -- turns me on. I really do get excited about someone with great communication skills, even more so than about someone with broad shoulders or a big cock.

She also relays her favorite sex toys of the moment and, at the end of the article, includes a list of tips for those new to polyamory. Check it out.

How do you manage attachment?

Non-monogamous sex educator Charlie Glickman is in the process of prepping a workshop for OpenSF (a poly, open, and non-monogamous conference which takes place June 8-10 in San Francisco) called "Sex, Shame, & Love." In the interest of including an array of experiences in his presentation, he is looking for your input. Here's what he's looking for:

In my view, love is the emotion that both fosters and results from closer connection, while shame both creates and comes from disconnection. If we're going to build our skills at seeking the ever-shifting balances in our relationships, we need to be able to encompass both sides. So in this workshop, we're going to explore how people juggle that. How do we make room for connection and room for creating distance? How do we maintain a relationship with the resilience needed to allow for other romantic/sexual/loving partners? What do we do to manage different relationships with different levels of closeness and connection? What can we do to make room for the feelings that arise (and often challenge us) around both connection and disconnection? What tools do people use for these processes?

. . . I'm curious to know how you make it work. What do you do to make room for those different dynamics? What do you do to manage them? For example, some people don't do sleepovers with secondary partners, or reserve certain sexual activities for a primary, because they find that that helps them maintain a different bond with their primary partner.

To contribute your voice, comment on Glickman's post or send him a confidential message through his contact form.