Category: Polyamory

Valentine’s Day for non-monogamists

Valentine's Day seems to spark extra interest in the poly community, and this year is no exception. In an article in the DC Around Town branch of the Huffington Post, there is an interview with Tamara Pincus, a psychotherapist and sex podcast host who also runs a local discussion group for non-monogamous folks. Pincus has two children and lives with her husband and one of her husband's girlfriends. Both Pincus and her husband have other relationships as well.

Hilariously, most of the interview is spent with Pincus explaining how Valentine's Day just isn't a big deal to her, and that her only specific plans are to make breakfast for her children and record a new podcast.

In a similar vein, there's an article on CNN's website about how different couples spend Valentine's Day, with a short section on "nontraditional relationships."

"Each of my partners is like those in any monogamous relationships," said Joreth, a representative of the Polyamory Media Association, which provides members of the press with information and spokespeople on how polyamory works. "There's really no difference between how I feel about my current partners or how we relate to each other. The only difference is I didn't have to break up with one to start the other."

Joreth, her three male partners and their additional "metamors" are going out for dinner at a nice steakhouse in Tampa, Florida. All told, there will be six of them around the table.

"I don't personally observe Valentine's Day, but my partners' other partners do," she said. "The holiday's not important, but making my loved ones feel that I care about them is important."

The media’s renewed interest in open relationships continues

It began when the former wife of GOP presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich told Nightline that Gingrich had once, on the heels of a 6-year affair, asked her for an "open marriage." More and more news stories about the controversy just keep popping up, many of them mentioning non-monogamy in some way.

The latest is a piece from the New York Times entitled "Open marriage's new 15 minutes." The article is a cursory look at the different permutations of non-monogamy, with some quotes from myself, Anita Wagner (organizer of the Polyamory Leadership Network), and others.

If nothing else, Marianne Gingrich’s allegation, which the candidate has denied, provided an unexpected publicity bounce for advocates of open relationships, who have long been trying to paw their way out of the cultural margins.

. . . In the first flush of open marriage in the '70s, there was hardly any way for the curious to find like-minded people. "Then the Internet came along and it was all just a keystroke away," [Janet W. Hardy] said, adding that there are dozens of online forums devoted to the practice today. "It turned from an oddity into a community."

Meanwhile, Modern Poly released a statement about the effect of big news stories like this one on the poly community. The statement is directed at Gingrich.

. . . with every backlash more and more people will come out, non-monogamy will become more and more normalized, more network television shows will be interested in exploring a non-monogamous plot arc, and then sitcoms, and eventually, things will change... And we owe a lot of that to you, Newt, for being the person in power to be scandalized by allegedly asking for a sexually non-exclusive relationship.

So thank you, Newt, for giving us the spotlight, so we can show people all the good ways to practice polyamory and non-monogamy... through honesty, compassion, responsibility, commitment, love, a sex-positive outlook, and a willingness to work through the hard things like boundaries and jealousy. Please--keep doing it wrong, so more people can find their way to us. Because the more you do, the more the movement is fed and ready to start making things better.

Audiobook version of Opening Up

Yes, it's true! As of last fall, Opening Up is available as an audiobook. This is my first book ever to be converted into an audiobook, and it's unabridged -- a full 11 hours of non-monogamous goodness. The audiobook is narrated by Jo Anna Perrin and published by Tantor Audio.

You can buy the audiobook online on many sites, such as Amazon, Audible, and Tantor (where it is currently 50% off!). Mp3 audio samples are available on all of those sites, so you can preview the narration before purchase.

Battling breast cancer with multiple partners

Allena Gabosch is a polyamorous woman and the founder of Seattle's Center for Sex Positivity. When she was diagnosed with breast cancer, she turned to her partners for support and comfort. In "Breast Cancer and Polyamory: A Story of Non-Monogamy, Love and Commitment While Going Through Chemo," Rachel Rabbit White interviews Gabosch about the ups and downs of dealing with cancer as a poly woman.

Gabosch quickly found that being poly was a huge asset in her fight against breast cancer. Her partners were able to comfort each other. Gabosch became much closer with her partner's primary, Sophie, who treated her with an array of herbal remedies and vitamins, and she bonded with Sophie's daughter as well. She was always surrounded by love.

The most incredible part was I never went to the oncologist, to chemo, or to surgery without one or more of my partners with me. When I went in for the lobectomy . . . As they were wheeling me away, I showered each lover in kisses. The nurses did look at each other, like, 'well this is strange.'

There were other unforeseen benefits as well. When Gabosch's sex drive diminished, she did not have to worry about whether her partners' sexual needs were being met. Gabosch even met a new partner, right in the middle of her battle.

Dealing with cancer only strengthened Gabosch's belief in polyamory.

In both cancer and love, for me it is about not being at the whims of society and what you are supposed to do, but being proactive and finding what really works for you, and I think being poly has a lot to do with shaping that idea.

. . . I learned a lot about love and commitment and how committed these people truly are to me. One of the ideas people have about polyamory is “well you guys don’t know how to commit, that is why you are poly” I always knew that wasn’t true but here I was really seeing it, my partners were so committed to me, 100 percent . . . I never lacked for attention for my entire cancer experience, and that is a powerful place to come from.

This interview is an ultimately uplifting reminder of the shortness of life and the importance of support and love. Read the full interview in SexIs Magazine.