Valentine’s Day for non-monogamists

Valentine's Day seems to spark extra interest in the poly community, and this year is no exception. In an article in the DC Around Town branch of the Huffington Post, there is an interview with Tamara Pincus, a psychotherapist and sex podcast host who also runs a local discussion group for non-monogamous folks. Pincus has two children and lives with her husband and one of her husband's girlfriends. Both Pincus and her husband have other relationships as well.

Hilariously, most of the interview is spent with Pincus explaining how Valentine's Day just isn't a big deal to her, and that her only specific plans are to make breakfast for her children and record a new podcast.

In a similar vein, there's an article on CNN's website about how different couples spend Valentine's Day, with a short section on "nontraditional relationships."

"Each of my partners is like those in any monogamous relationships," said Joreth, a representative of the Polyamory Media Association, which provides members of the press with information and spokespeople on how polyamory works. "There's really no difference between how I feel about my current partners or how we relate to each other. The only difference is I didn't have to break up with one to start the other."

Joreth, her three male partners and their additional "metamors" are going out for dinner at a nice steakhouse in Tampa, Florida. All told, there will be six of them around the table.

"I don't personally observe Valentine's Day, but my partners' other partners do," she said. "The holiday's not important, but making my loved ones feel that I care about them is important."

Handling the holidays while poly

This time of year can be difficult for anyone in a non-traditional relationship, which is why this recent Polyamory Weekly podcast is so important and helpful. The description reads:

Sometimes it's tough to be poly over the holidays. Which relatives are you out to? Can you introduce your lover to your auntie May? How do you schedule family time? Listeners wrote in via Facebook and Twitter to ask the toughest holiday-related poly issues, and cohosts Joreth and Puck help Minx to sort them out . . .

The discussion topics include:

  • How to introduce non-spouses
  • How to prevent your poly-aware daughter from letting closeted poly relationships slip in front of the "in-laws"
  • Is being closeted OK to certain relatives?
  • How do you handle feeling secondary and isolated?
  • How do you manage economic disparities?
  • How do you deal with missing some and disappointing others?

Listen to the podcast for some great tips and advice!