OpenSF keynote prompts coming out

There has been some awesome coverage of the OpenSF conference. Stories about the conference were published in the San Francisco Bay GuardianOakland Local, and Bay Area Reporter, and there are some great personal accounts from attendees scattered around the internet as well.

But my favorite post was from Nice Girl of the blog Nice Girls Like Sex Too. Called "I Am Coming Out," it's a direct response to the call to action in my OpenSF keynote -- asking folks to live their lives as openly as they can, especially if they don't outwardly appear to be members of marginalized groups. And it's wonderful.

I have been the direct beneficiary of the bravery of so many other people in the marginalized communities I identify with, and yet I have refused to speak publicly about my membership in these communities. So, as I take a deep breath, I am going to come out to you all. Right now.

I am kinky. I enjoy BDSM style sex, with spanking, restraints, blindfolds, collars, whips, paddles, corsets, and addressing my partner as "Sir" when we are engaging in this sort of play . . . I am a happier and healthier person for it.

. . . My boyfriend and I are considering non-monogamy. At the time of writing this post, we are still unsure what that non-monogamy will look like, but the OpenSF conference has given us the tools, the language, and the support of a community as we explore this space. Our relationship and interpersonal communication has already improved dramatically.

. . . I have answered Tristan's call to action, and I am now issuing one of my own. It is so incredibly important that those of us who have the privilege of appearing mainstream to publicly proclaim our membership to the marginalized, demonized, and ostracized communities who have given us so much . . . Come out. Our world will be brighter when you do.

Read the whole thing at Nice Girls Like Sex Too.

A mutual girlfriend in new Oliver Stone movie

It's a big deal when a mainstream movie depicts a non-monogamous relationship. That seems to be the case with Oliver Stone's upcoming film Savages, in which the girlfriend and narrator (played by Blake Lively) is dating two men who run a profitable marijuana enterprise.

Savages is mostly a cut-throat crime thriller about what happens when the girlfriend gets kidnapped, but the element of a non-monogamous relationship is certainly not ignored. In the trailer, the relationship dynamic is revealed around 50 seconds in, as Lively clarifies in voice-over, "and yes, I'm with both of them."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFWZ6doRb34

The folks behind Modern Poly have created a Facebook event inviting non-monogamous people and allies around the U.S. to attend midnight screenings of the film on Thursday, July 5th. They muse:

How will they treat their relationship? Is it as copacetic between the 3 of them as it looks? Will they kill off one of her partners halfway through in a fit of jealousy? Will there be a hot 3 way makeout between all 3? Will they all end up together? How will it change the public face of polyamory as a major mainstream motion picture?

We have no idea, but we know one thing: We all want to be there when the movie premieres so we don't miss a second of what follows after. And we want you to be there with us.

Check for showings in your city on IMDB.

Gay and poly in Manhattan

A gay triad is the subject of a new short documentary from producers Nilo Tabrizy and Suvro Banerji. Entitled Polyamorous Relationships in New York City, the 6-minute film profiles a closed triad of three men living in Manhattan (and squeezing into a queen-sized bed, no less!). The men have been together for two years, after married couple Franco and Mark met and fell in love with Vinny.

The documentary features footage of the men at home and around New York City, interviews with the triad about the multiple layers to their relationship, and an interview with research scientist Gilles Herrada.

A text description of the documentary, with many quotes, can be found on Out. Gay.net also wrote about the documentary, explaining why there's a rift in the LGBT community when it comes to relationships like this one:

Some gays are simply uncomfortable with this notion -- much like many heterosexuals -- and either don't understand the concept or simply reject it. Others in the LGBT community get angered when they hear about these relationships, thinking it's politically bad for gay people and reinforces stereotypes that we're a deviant subculture. Still other gay men have a "live and let live" philosophy towards polyamory, or feel that because we're already considered outsiders and sexual outlaws in mainstream society that we have the right and responsibility to not play by society's rules.

Advice for healthcare professionals

With doctors opening up more about polyamory lately, this post from Cunning Minx is both timely and important: "What healthcare professionals need to know about poly and kink." The post was written after Minx participated in an event at Bastyr Center for Natural Health called the "human library," which allowed naturopathic practicioners to ask questions of human "books" from various communities.

The practitioners were most concerned about how to determine whether a patient is poly or kinky, and what those terms actually mean. In order to create a safe, non-judgmental space, Minx suggests practitioners refrain from assumptions and use open-ended language when asking questions -- e.g., "what is your relationship structure?" Another example from her personal experience:

My favorite personal experience with this was a fantastic gynecologist who, when I was in the stirrups, asked, "Do you sleep with men, women, or both?" I'd never heard "or both" before, and I was delighted she'd asked! I answered, "both," to which she replied with a cheery, "Good for you!" And just like that, she established trust. I knew I could tell her about my partners, probably even my kinky proclivities, and she wouldn't flinch, blink or judge.

Minx also recommends practitioners get their hands on Opening Up, The Ultimate Guide to Kink, and a paper entitlted "What Psychology Professionals Should Know About Polyamory."

Add your own thoughts to the comment section at Polyamoy Weekly.