Category: Non-monogamy

An Opening Up read-along!

Blogger Kit O'Connell has launched an Opening Up read-along! O'Connell is encouraging readers to follow along in Opening Up and engage in discussions about the various chapters -- and non-monogamy in general.

Here's how it will work: each week or so, O'Connell will post about a new section of the book and his thoughts on it, using that as a launching pad for more broad discussion of non-monogamy. He will also share his own experiences in the polyamorous lifestyle.

In this first post, O'Connell writes about the introduction in Opening Up:

In addition to talking about her background and the creation of the book, the introduction to Opening Up takes a look at the state of relationships in our culture today. Most of us grow up believing that lifelong monogamous marriage is not only the current default, but always has been for everyone . . . Countless events (the Stonewall riots), technological developments (birth control), and cultural changes have shown that there is no normal relationship and a lifetime of emotional & sexual monogamy is a rarity and not always a worthwhile or realistic goal.

. . . Opening Up attempts to cover a wide gamut of relationship styles, from polyamory of many kinds, to swinging, to pairings where one person is monogamous and the other poly. It has chapters devoted to major issues which confront us as we explore these new relationship styles, and profiles of how others have shaped their relationships. Remember as we go through this book that, quoting the author, "there is no formula for an open relationship." There is not even one definition of polyamory. Instead, approach your relationships as you would a toolbox -- choose from what works for you and your lovers, without worrying about what you perceive as normal.

The read-along will continue next Thursday, January 26th, with chapter 1, which examines the history of non-monogamy since the 1950s. Go contribute your voice to the discussion and follow along on O'Connell's blog, Approximately 8,000 Words.

“Monogamish” couples speak in Savage Love

In Dan Savage's recent Savage Love column, entitled "Meet the Monogamish," he hopes to squash the stereotype that non-monogamy is a recipe for disaster -- by simply sharing the stories of non-monogamous folks. Savage writes,

Why do most people assume that all nonmonogamous relationships are destined to fail? Because we only hear about the ones that do. If a three-way or an affair was a factor in a divorce or breakup, we hear all about it. But we rarely hear from happy couples who aren't monogamous, because they don't want to be perceived as dangerous sex maniacs who are destined to divorce.

. . . "You know lots of couples who have had three-ways and flings who aren't divorced," I told the skeptics a few weeks ago, "you just don't know you know them." In an effort to introduce the skeptics to some happily monogamish couples, I invited coupled people who'd had successful flings, affairs, three-ways, and swinging experiences to write in and share their stories.

Seven different letters are printed, ranging from threesomes to semi-open relationships. One reader writes in succinctly:

I agree with you that we rarely hear about successful marriages that are open. How do I know? I just discovered that my parents are swingers -- and they have been married for 26 years!

Read the rest of the stories in Savage Love.

Hollywood producer Jerry Weintraub’s non-traditional relationships

Movie producer Jerry Weintraub -- whose producing credits include The Karate Kid and Ocean's Eleven -- is becoming more and more open about his unconventional relationships. He has four children with his wife of 46 years, Jane Morgan, but he lives with his girlfriend of 20 years, Susie Ekins. Morgan and Ekins are good friends.

Weintraub's relationships are discussed in His Way, an HBO documentary chronicling Weintraub's career which was recently released on DVD. One hour and 13 minutes into the documentary, a title card announces,

Weintraub then explains how his arrangement came to be, beginning with the period when his relationship with Ekins was blossoming.

It was a casual relationship for a very long time because I was in love with Jane . . . I was torn up inside not because I was committing adultery, but I didn't want to hurt Jane and my children. Having said that, Jane said to me, long before I went to her, "if you have somebody else that you want to be with, I'm OK with that. I want you to be happy." So I went to Jane and I said to Jane, "I'm in love with somebody else." And she looked at me, and she said to me, "I know. And I know who it is."

A variety of big name actors -- George Clooney, Julia Roberts, Matt Damon, and Brad Pitt -- are interviewed as well, all acknowledging Weintraub's relationships. Weintraub's children also approve; his son, Michael, says, "As long as the three of you are happy with it, we'll figure out how we're gonna do holidays and move on."

The sequence ends with the following quote from Weintraub:

I believe it works because Jane is an incredible woman and Susie is an incredible woman. I got lucky twice.

Here's an interview Weintraub did with Jimmy Kimmel, which includes a clip from His Way.

Poly rumblings at Occupy Wall Street

As the Occupy Wall Street movement continues throughout the U.S., writer Rachel R. White took to Zuccotti Park in lower Manhattan and talked to a few protesters about their non-traditional relationships. A six-person poly family were sharing a tent in the park. One member pointed out a shift in modern relationship rituals.

While polyamory might not be the norm, the group says relationships are changing for their generation. "Traditional courtship rituals are not financially possible -- for people here and for our generation as a whole," says Robert. "I've had more girlfriends in the past who I moved in with early on because it was the only thing that was economically feasible."

White also interviewed a married, monogamous couple who are trying to eschew the traditional facets of marriage. They believe communal living could provide the ideal environment for a relationship to thrive.

Catherine . . . hopes that the future of relationships includes a more communal style of living. "Nuclear families can be so isolating," she says. Sebastian points out that even if you believe in nuclear families, that model isn't looking sustainable . . . Living with other couples can provide the nonsexual benefits of polyamory -- you can have a support system while remaining monogamous, and passionately so.

Read the rest on Time Out New York.